We have seen the doctor and Sarah is getting some medicine to treat her pain. It was quite difficult for Sarah's doctors in Seattle to coordinate for her to be admitted to the hospital here in Everett. We are hoping that Sarah will get the help that she needs. Sarah has already found the secret diamond in the rough here at the hospital (the oatmeal raisin cookies.)
As the doctor was asking Sarah to rate her pain on a scale of 1 to 10, Sarah started crying. She said that she doesn't remember what it feels like to be without pain. She continued by saying that the pain she might rate at a 7 now would have been a 14 or 15 before.
My sweet wife needs to have a chance to feel good again. I long for the day when is 100% pain free.
More updates will come as they are available.
-Kirk
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
FYI...
Sarah has been admitted into the hospital from now until Sunday night. She is mostly ok, but she is having alot of pain due to radiation. Because of all the pain she is having we have been in the emergency room for something like 6 out of the last 10 days. Sarah's doctors at SCCA have allowed her to postpone her radiation for a couple of days and hope that some time feeling better in the hospital will help her to regain some of her much needed coping skills.
Please pray for Sarah. She is desperate to be done with treatment, but just needs to make it through the next two weeks.
-Kirk
Please pray for Sarah. She is desperate to be done with treatment, but just needs to make it through the next two weeks.
-Kirk
Monday, December 27, 2010
Day 240
What a Christmas…
Reader discretion advised.
This week has been the week from hell. Let’s just say santa didn’t visit this year. Sarah hasn’t wanted to write lately as to not ruin your holidays but now that Christmas is over I thought I should let all of you know what has been going on. On Monday Sarah started having intense nerve pain because her nerve endings are being burned by radiation. Not fun to say the least. She also has two large open sores on her radiated area that are completely raw. Her pain tied to the current status of her skin is becoming quite more than she can handle. Tuesday we went in to the infusion clinic as planned for her dehydration and got as much pain help there as possible. For those of you who don’t know, pills pretty much of any kind, don’t work for Sarah. Her dad is the same way. She hides her pain for as long as she can but when she starts shaking the jig is up and I step in to help her fight the fight. Sleep, or anti-nausea medications even in high doses and receive no benefit. She seems to only get the negative side effects, most commonly nausea. When she is being treated for nausea anyway, the last thing we want her to do is take a bunch of medication that doesn’t work, but only makes her sick. That would be kind of counter-productive. Wednesday, Sarah’s radiation oncologist tried giving her a pain medication that targets nerve pain specifically, but once again after taking the pills she received no pain relief only nausea. Because she had received no relief from pain we went in to the emergency room so she could receive IV pain and anti-nausea meds later that day. These help but don’t last that long. Because the IV medications are short lived, the emergency room really is only able to give her temporary relief. However in this case, some relief is better than none. Thursday, Sarah went back in for radiation and after they sent Sarah up to their infusion clinic so she could start the evening with a little relief and try to skip the emergency room. This really only proved partially helpful and ultimately left Sarah with a sleepless night of agonizing nerve pain. Friday Morning (Christmas Eve) we went into the infusion clinic in Everett as planned to treat Sarah’s dehydration, they tried to treat her pain but nothing seemed to help. Sarah wanted to keep trying things but it was obvious that on that day with the level that her pain was at she was just going to be miserable. This was a call that I had to make and let me tell you, looking Sarah in the eyes and telling her that there was nothing else they could do for her that night was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I am sure it made her feel very hopeless. After that we went home for a few hours and then tried to make the best of the day and went to my parent’s house for the Christmas festivities however bittersweet they may have been for us this year. Friday Sarah tried her hardest all day at her parent’s to make it through without needing to go somewhere for pain relief, but by the end of the night, she was in so much pain she was shaking, and on the verge of tears. I made the decision to take her in to the ER again. There they were able to make her comfortable enough that she fell asleep, but by morning she was already in agonizing pain. This morning, a little worse for wear, Sarah dragged herself out of bed and we went to her parent’s again for their 2nd Christmas celebration. By this evening I could already tell that I would be taking her to the emergency room yet again. So, to review, since Monday Sarah has been in an infusion clinic 3 times, in the ER 3 times and has been poked for an IV access a grand total of 20 times (all in the same arm). Now when I said the week from hell you all know what I’m talking about. Let me tell you Sarah is tired, exhausted, in severe pain, has two raw wounds on her chest, and is 100% at the end of her ability to cope with all of this. I don’t think she will even be able to stand her remaining 7 radiation treatments. Tomorrow I will be calling her radiation oncologist and discussing with her the possibility of cutting Sarah’s radiation short.
Through everything that has happened this week Sarah has been a tremendously good sport. In light of all of her pain she has been a saint making sure to say Merry Christmas to everyone she saw and even going as far as to bring doughnuts in for the entire infusion clinic staff on Christmas Eve. She has gone above and beyond and tried to think about others during this holiday season, but she is just at the end of her rope and doesn’t want to be sick anymore. She does a very good job of hiding her pain and discomfort around people, but all the months of doing that is starting to take a huge toll on my sweet girl.
As I am writing this, we are in the emergency room waiting for an IV therapist to come and put in an IV in Sarah’s poor arm. We have been here for three hours already and they have yet to come and get an IV started so they can get her comfortable. It’s not because they haven’t tried, but Sarah’s arm has hardly any veins left that are viable.
Please pray that the radiation oncologist will see Sarah’s struggle and either come up with a serious solution to fight her pain or discontinue the few radiation treatments she has left.
Kirk
Reader discretion advised.
This week has been the week from hell. Let’s just say santa didn’t visit this year. Sarah hasn’t wanted to write lately as to not ruin your holidays but now that Christmas is over I thought I should let all of you know what has been going on. On Monday Sarah started having intense nerve pain because her nerve endings are being burned by radiation. Not fun to say the least. She also has two large open sores on her radiated area that are completely raw. Her pain tied to the current status of her skin is becoming quite more than she can handle. Tuesday we went in to the infusion clinic as planned for her dehydration and got as much pain help there as possible. For those of you who don’t know, pills pretty much of any kind, don’t work for Sarah. Her dad is the same way. She hides her pain for as long as she can but when she starts shaking the jig is up and I step in to help her fight the fight. Sleep, or anti-nausea medications even in high doses and receive no benefit. She seems to only get the negative side effects, most commonly nausea. When she is being treated for nausea anyway, the last thing we want her to do is take a bunch of medication that doesn’t work, but only makes her sick. That would be kind of counter-productive. Wednesday, Sarah’s radiation oncologist tried giving her a pain medication that targets nerve pain specifically, but once again after taking the pills she received no pain relief only nausea. Because she had received no relief from pain we went in to the emergency room so she could receive IV pain and anti-nausea meds later that day. These help but don’t last that long. Because the IV medications are short lived, the emergency room really is only able to give her temporary relief. However in this case, some relief is better than none. Thursday, Sarah went back in for radiation and after they sent Sarah up to their infusion clinic so she could start the evening with a little relief and try to skip the emergency room. This really only proved partially helpful and ultimately left Sarah with a sleepless night of agonizing nerve pain. Friday Morning (Christmas Eve) we went into the infusion clinic in Everett as planned to treat Sarah’s dehydration, they tried to treat her pain but nothing seemed to help. Sarah wanted to keep trying things but it was obvious that on that day with the level that her pain was at she was just going to be miserable. This was a call that I had to make and let me tell you, looking Sarah in the eyes and telling her that there was nothing else they could do for her that night was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I am sure it made her feel very hopeless. After that we went home for a few hours and then tried to make the best of the day and went to my parent’s house for the Christmas festivities however bittersweet they may have been for us this year. Friday Sarah tried her hardest all day at her parent’s to make it through without needing to go somewhere for pain relief, but by the end of the night, she was in so much pain she was shaking, and on the verge of tears. I made the decision to take her in to the ER again. There they were able to make her comfortable enough that she fell asleep, but by morning she was already in agonizing pain. This morning, a little worse for wear, Sarah dragged herself out of bed and we went to her parent’s again for their 2nd Christmas celebration. By this evening I could already tell that I would be taking her to the emergency room yet again. So, to review, since Monday Sarah has been in an infusion clinic 3 times, in the ER 3 times and has been poked for an IV access a grand total of 20 times (all in the same arm). Now when I said the week from hell you all know what I’m talking about. Let me tell you Sarah is tired, exhausted, in severe pain, has two raw wounds on her chest, and is 100% at the end of her ability to cope with all of this. I don’t think she will even be able to stand her remaining 7 radiation treatments. Tomorrow I will be calling her radiation oncologist and discussing with her the possibility of cutting Sarah’s radiation short.
Through everything that has happened this week Sarah has been a tremendously good sport. In light of all of her pain she has been a saint making sure to say Merry Christmas to everyone she saw and even going as far as to bring doughnuts in for the entire infusion clinic staff on Christmas Eve. She has gone above and beyond and tried to think about others during this holiday season, but she is just at the end of her rope and doesn’t want to be sick anymore. She does a very good job of hiding her pain and discomfort around people, but all the months of doing that is starting to take a huge toll on my sweet girl.
As I am writing this, we are in the emergency room waiting for an IV therapist to come and put in an IV in Sarah’s poor arm. We have been here for three hours already and they have yet to come and get an IV started so they can get her comfortable. It’s not because they haven’t tried, but Sarah’s arm has hardly any veins left that are viable.
Please pray that the radiation oncologist will see Sarah’s struggle and either come up with a serious solution to fight her pain or discontinue the few radiation treatments she has left.
Kirk
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Day 239
How many nurses does it take to put in an IV???
One…usually. However tonight was quite a different story. Sarah is in the infusion clinic tonight and the nurses were having a very difficult time finding a vein that would work. Finally on the fourth nurse and 7th try overall they got Sarah’s veins to cooperate. Sarah joked (as she often does) that tonight was like cheap acupuncture. Due to the issues they have had every time trying to get an IV started, Sarah is seriously considering having a chest port put back in. That decision would depend on how much longer her nausea remains an issue.
Sarah is nearing the end of her radiation treatments. Out of 28 she only has 9 left. Woohoo! Her skin is becoming more and more red and irritated with every additional treatment, but her doctor, nurses and radiation therapists are doing everything they can to make these treatments as pleasant as possible. For the most part, they have succeeded in that. Sarah absolutely loves her everyone in the SCCA radiation oncology department.
As Sarah’s treatments come to a close we are very anxious for this New Year to begin so we can start with a clean slate and leave all of this behind us. On that note we have begun to plan numerous vacations for the summer so we can have some time to relax together without the stresses that this year has brought. I often realize that Sarah and I have become acclimatized to life with cancer. Do we like it no, but when you do things day in and day out, that’s what ends up happening. We are both very impatiently waiting for the chance to have fun together again. It will take time for life to return to “normal”, but our “normal” has changed. We see most things in a very different light. We have a new appreciation for things like health, laughter and family. We also have a new appreciation for certain aspects of medical care. It is amazing how things like hospital ice can bring such comfort. Wait….hospital ice…??? Yes hospitals have the most fantastic ice! It isn’t solid, but it also isn’t liquid either. It is somewhere fantastically in between. If anyone is looking for any last minute gift ideas for Sarah, the answer is right here in front of you; a hospital ice machine. Let me tell you she would love you forever. Wait another minute am I even reading what I’m writing? If I got her the ice maker machine I could earn some serious “brownie points” (its sheer genius!!!)
Please pray that with the additional burn creams they have given her, Sarah’s skin would not continue to deteriorate with the remaining radiation treatments. Last night was especially tough for Sarah. Her skin is hurting so she took some pain killers. The meds didn’t take away her pain, but they made her nauseous. The combo of pain and nausea kept her up all night. She literally didn’t sleep one wink. Exhaustion has definitely set in. Sarah told me this morning that she watched me set my alarm and was wide awake when it went off for me to wake up. How frustrating that must have been…However Sarah always puts the positive spin on things. Today, we were talking about last night and she said, “Honey, it just gave me a chance to brush up on my late-night infomercials. Can I interest you in a micro-Hibachi or some Ginsu knives? Only $19.95, but wait! If you order now well throw in a second one for free!!!” As funny as that may sound, please pray that sleepless nights don’t continue to happen.
Thanks for reading! You are all awesome!!!
Kirk
One…usually. However tonight was quite a different story. Sarah is in the infusion clinic tonight and the nurses were having a very difficult time finding a vein that would work. Finally on the fourth nurse and 7th try overall they got Sarah’s veins to cooperate. Sarah joked (as she often does) that tonight was like cheap acupuncture. Due to the issues they have had every time trying to get an IV started, Sarah is seriously considering having a chest port put back in. That decision would depend on how much longer her nausea remains an issue.
Sarah is nearing the end of her radiation treatments. Out of 28 she only has 9 left. Woohoo! Her skin is becoming more and more red and irritated with every additional treatment, but her doctor, nurses and radiation therapists are doing everything they can to make these treatments as pleasant as possible. For the most part, they have succeeded in that. Sarah absolutely loves her everyone in the SCCA radiation oncology department.
As Sarah’s treatments come to a close we are very anxious for this New Year to begin so we can start with a clean slate and leave all of this behind us. On that note we have begun to plan numerous vacations for the summer so we can have some time to relax together without the stresses that this year has brought. I often realize that Sarah and I have become acclimatized to life with cancer. Do we like it no, but when you do things day in and day out, that’s what ends up happening. We are both very impatiently waiting for the chance to have fun together again. It will take time for life to return to “normal”, but our “normal” has changed. We see most things in a very different light. We have a new appreciation for things like health, laughter and family. We also have a new appreciation for certain aspects of medical care. It is amazing how things like hospital ice can bring such comfort. Wait….hospital ice…??? Yes hospitals have the most fantastic ice! It isn’t solid, but it also isn’t liquid either. It is somewhere fantastically in between. If anyone is looking for any last minute gift ideas for Sarah, the answer is right here in front of you; a hospital ice machine. Let me tell you she would love you forever. Wait another minute am I even reading what I’m writing? If I got her the ice maker machine I could earn some serious “brownie points” (its sheer genius!!!)
Please pray that with the additional burn creams they have given her, Sarah’s skin would not continue to deteriorate with the remaining radiation treatments. Last night was especially tough for Sarah. Her skin is hurting so she took some pain killers. The meds didn’t take away her pain, but they made her nauseous. The combo of pain and nausea kept her up all night. She literally didn’t sleep one wink. Exhaustion has definitely set in. Sarah told me this morning that she watched me set my alarm and was wide awake when it went off for me to wake up. How frustrating that must have been…However Sarah always puts the positive spin on things. Today, we were talking about last night and she said, “Honey, it just gave me a chance to brush up on my late-night infomercials. Can I interest you in a micro-Hibachi or some Ginsu knives? Only $19.95, but wait! If you order now well throw in a second one for free!!!” As funny as that may sound, please pray that sleepless nights don’t continue to happen.
Thanks for reading! You are all awesome!!!
Kirk
Friday, December 17, 2010
Day 238
3am sure gets lonely...but wait...I have you!
I am once again up writing in the wee hours of the morning because my brain won’t turn off. I am a thinker and there is not much I can do but clear my mind and focus on the blessings.
My pink skin has started turning a bright shade of red. It is uncomfortable to sleep and a little sore but now that it is red I know exactly where to put my aloe gel! My doctor told me I am 60% done with my treatment and my skin looks very well for what it has been through. While Kirk was helping me put aloe gel on the back of my shoulder he asked if this is the worst part. I smiled and said “Oh no! This is a walk in the park in comparison to chemo and surgery!” I hope Kirk felt better after hearing that but I don’t think he did. My husband can’t stand to see me in any kind of pain so when I get a tiny poke for a blood draw he still holds my hand tight and asks me if I’m okay. I’m telling you…I’ve got the Husband of the Year!
I could complain about all the things that are keeping my mind up but what would that get me? A night feeling sorry for myself that’s what! No thank you. I want to keep my spirits high so I am choosing to think of the blessings. They are being poured over my life so I don’t have to look very far. It is so easy to focus on the awful things in our days and completely overlook all the blessings. I for one don’t want to miss out on all the sprinkles of joy God puts in my every day. I am so very thankful for each and every helping of blessing.
What I am thankful for today: The radiation/oncology team at Seattle Cancer Care Alliance! 5 days a week they greet me with smiles. They remember my name, tease me about how many scarves I own, and offer to come back from lunch early to get me on my way sooner. We laugh and talk about “regular stuff” and leave out the fact I am there for cancer treatment. I’m pretty sure I will have withdrawals once our “visits” come to a close. They are just awesome people and I am attached! Thank you God for putting the right doctors and therapists over my care.
Another thing I am thankful for…You! Thanks for catching up with me and my journey. I know I am lifted up in prayer each day and I cherish all the love and support that you give. We may not have even met but you are very special and dear to my heart. Thank you.
Love Always,
Sarah
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Day 237
Fun facts about Sarah:
Her hair is growing like crazy. It is now an inch and a quarter! We thought it was coming in straight and a little darker but as the months go by we are seeing soft curls…well half curls; her hair isn’t long enough to be full curls yet. Sarah is excited to go through all the hair styles from being bald to french braids. What a trooper this girl is. She shelved her wigs and head scarves as soon as possible and has been sporting the Audrey Hepburn look ever since. Occasionally people stare at my darling wife and boy does it make me mad but Sarah shrugs it off and makes a joke about it and says “they are just staring at how gorgeous I am!” Sarah doesn’t know how right she is. People come up to her everywhere and say things like “I just love your hair” or “You are so brave to cut your hair so short”; she smiles, takes the compliment and hands them a blogspot ribbon.
Another Sarah fact is she is a yarn fanatic! Our apartment looks like a yarn ball exploded. Her notes, hats, pictures and of course yarn is scattered on the table and couch. Every day I see new creations that are so very “Sarah”. She soon will launch Emalene, a business she has started with my sister. I can’t wait to see what this new year will bring!
Keep Sarah in your prayers. She goes into the infusion clinic on Friday for fluids and hopefully her nausea won’t return. Let’s all keep our fingers crossed and our prayers flowing!
Thanks,
Kirk
Her hair is growing like crazy. It is now an inch and a quarter! We thought it was coming in straight and a little darker but as the months go by we are seeing soft curls…well half curls; her hair isn’t long enough to be full curls yet. Sarah is excited to go through all the hair styles from being bald to french braids. What a trooper this girl is. She shelved her wigs and head scarves as soon as possible and has been sporting the Audrey Hepburn look ever since. Occasionally people stare at my darling wife and boy does it make me mad but Sarah shrugs it off and makes a joke about it and says “they are just staring at how gorgeous I am!” Sarah doesn’t know how right she is. People come up to her everywhere and say things like “I just love your hair” or “You are so brave to cut your hair so short”; she smiles, takes the compliment and hands them a blogspot ribbon.
Another Sarah fact is she is a yarn fanatic! Our apartment looks like a yarn ball exploded. Her notes, hats, pictures and of course yarn is scattered on the table and couch. Every day I see new creations that are so very “Sarah”. She soon will launch Emalene, a business she has started with my sister. I can’t wait to see what this new year will bring!
Keep Sarah in your prayers. She goes into the infusion clinic on Friday for fluids and hopefully her nausea won’t return. Let’s all keep our fingers crossed and our prayers flowing!
Thanks,
Kirk
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Day 236
This week is the start of our new experiment to fight Sarah’s nausea. As I mentioned before, Sarah will be going in to the infusion clinic twice a week for hopefully just fluids to see if keeping well hydrated stops her nausea dead in its tracks. We do have one concern. Every time Sarah goes in she has to get an IV. This is very hard on her veins and is becoming more of a problem because after her surgery Sarah can now only get IV’s in her left arm. The doctor’s are talking about the possibility of putting in another port in her chest. Sarah really does not want to do this as it would require another surgery. Please pray with me that the Sarah’s nausea will subside very soon so we can leave this all behind us.
As radiation continues, Sarah skin continues to get more and more red and irritated. She says that by Christmas her skin will be as red as Rudolph’s nose and Santa will need her on Christmas Eve to guide his sleigh. Guess who gets to join in on the reindeer games this year.
Your support means the world to us. Keep the love coming our way.
Kirk
As radiation continues, Sarah skin continues to get more and more red and irritated. She says that by Christmas her skin will be as red as Rudolph’s nose and Santa will need her on Christmas Eve to guide his sleigh. Guess who gets to join in on the reindeer games this year.
Your support means the world to us. Keep the love coming our way.
Kirk
Friday, December 10, 2010
Day 235
An update from Kirk:
Well, we are in the infusion clinic again today. Sarah isn't extremely sick today, but she would be this weekend if we didn't get her fixed up tonight. It is so strange that IV fluids, anti-nausea meds, and pain meds are what help her system feel better on a temporary basis, but somehow they do. I was thinking about this all the other day and realized that the only thing she receives that would last for days is the IV fluids. The other two drugs wear off in a couple of hours. It was with this thought that I came up with an idea. If Sarah's doctor wrote a series prescription for her to routinely get fluids twice a week instead of once, she might never get dehydrated and hopefully not get nauseous. I ran this idea by Sarah's doctor and he was all for trying it. So, from this week on Sarah will be getting IV fluids alone to see if staying hydrated keeps her nausea at bay. Please pray with us that this will help Sarah feel better. We realize that twice a week in the infusion clinic sounds not so great, but its all about perspective. When nausea and vomiting are the other option, the infusion clinic and an IV are a walk in the park.
This week we have seen a couple of specialists. The first was the SCCA nutritionist. The nutritionist has laid out a plan not to fix Sarah's nausea, but to try and help her body fight/deal with it. She asked Sarah to eat small portions every 2 to 3 hrs; never eating a large meal. Keeping something in her stomach at all times will hopefully help to lessen the severity nausea and help maintain a decent weight. The second was a sleep specialist at Swedish. Sarah discussed all of her troubles sleeping and was asked many different questions. The final verdict was that Sarah's insomnia is caused by everything she is going through (My first thought was, "Tell me something I don't know...") However what she continued to tell us was that this type of insomnia is very similar to post-traumatic stress induced insomnia. In this case, because Sarah's brain activity is so strong due to everything she has to think about and be worried about, the medications she has tried are rendered inneffective. Wow, that explains alot!!! The sleep specialist then told us how in these cases it is lifestyle changes that offer the greatest relief. So then Sarah said, "Well if you prescribed me a baseball bat, that would change my lifestyle." My Sarah never misses an opportunity to insert something that makes her situation light-hearted. I will always love that about her.
Please pray that these things we are trying to do help Sarah on all fronts actually work. She is desperate for sleep, desperate for nausea relief, and desperate to be done with all this cancer "stuff." I cannot thank you all enough for supporting my Sarah as you all have over these past 9 months. She has needed every bit you have given!
Kirk
Well, we are in the infusion clinic again today. Sarah isn't extremely sick today, but she would be this weekend if we didn't get her fixed up tonight. It is so strange that IV fluids, anti-nausea meds, and pain meds are what help her system feel better on a temporary basis, but somehow they do. I was thinking about this all the other day and realized that the only thing she receives that would last for days is the IV fluids. The other two drugs wear off in a couple of hours. It was with this thought that I came up with an idea. If Sarah's doctor wrote a series prescription for her to routinely get fluids twice a week instead of once, she might never get dehydrated and hopefully not get nauseous. I ran this idea by Sarah's doctor and he was all for trying it. So, from this week on Sarah will be getting IV fluids alone to see if staying hydrated keeps her nausea at bay. Please pray with us that this will help Sarah feel better. We realize that twice a week in the infusion clinic sounds not so great, but its all about perspective. When nausea and vomiting are the other option, the infusion clinic and an IV are a walk in the park.
This week we have seen a couple of specialists. The first was the SCCA nutritionist. The nutritionist has laid out a plan not to fix Sarah's nausea, but to try and help her body fight/deal with it. She asked Sarah to eat small portions every 2 to 3 hrs; never eating a large meal. Keeping something in her stomach at all times will hopefully help to lessen the severity nausea and help maintain a decent weight. The second was a sleep specialist at Swedish. Sarah discussed all of her troubles sleeping and was asked many different questions. The final verdict was that Sarah's insomnia is caused by everything she is going through (My first thought was, "Tell me something I don't know...") However what she continued to tell us was that this type of insomnia is very similar to post-traumatic stress induced insomnia. In this case, because Sarah's brain activity is so strong due to everything she has to think about and be worried about, the medications she has tried are rendered inneffective. Wow, that explains alot!!! The sleep specialist then told us how in these cases it is lifestyle changes that offer the greatest relief. So then Sarah said, "Well if you prescribed me a baseball bat, that would change my lifestyle." My Sarah never misses an opportunity to insert something that makes her situation light-hearted. I will always love that about her.
Please pray that these things we are trying to do help Sarah on all fronts actually work. She is desperate for sleep, desperate for nausea relief, and desperate to be done with all this cancer "stuff." I cannot thank you all enough for supporting my Sarah as you all have over these past 9 months. She has needed every bit you have given!
Kirk
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Day 234
My life is all over the place isn’t it. One day I’m in bed without the strength to lift my head and the next I’m having fun decorating a Christmas tree…I guess I can be grateful for never having a dull moment.
Yesterday I felt awful. I wasn’t expecting to feel so nauseous at least until Thursday! It’s pretty bad when you can look at a calendar and say “Oh can we plan for Tuesday instead of Friday because I’ll need to go to the hospital that day.” I’m getting good at predicting how long I can last…I can predict the hour that my nausea will turn into…something else. It’s like being on a game show and the prize is going to the hospital and getting stuck with a needle! Alright, so not a great prize package but the “feeling good” part sure does beat “new car” smell. In Kirk’s case he would rather be nauseated and have a new car but that’s a man for you. I, on the other hand, would like to go one week without having to go to the hospital…hmmmm…how many weeks has it been? I’m going to look. (Isn’t the internet a wonderful thing?) I looked back and the first time I went in for fluids and anti-nausea meds was September 27th! Yikes, that’s like 10 weeks in a row. No wonder my arm is black and blue, it never has time to heal. Wow, I just realized that I can map out doctor appointments, special events, hospital visits and every lovers quarrel I have with Kirk! This is my online diary and you have the key! Don’t you feel special? I’m sure I write some things that make you want to say “I could have gone all my life without knowing that piece of information” but that wouldn’t be real life would it? I have to make the brave guys that read my blog squirm a little. I am, however, grateful for all my readers to have stuck with me through thick and thin. You keep me writing and I wonder how far my story is reaching…hold on a second…I’ll look! This month my blog has been read by people in Germany, India, the U.K., and Italy…and that’s only this month! If I look back Australia, Russia, France, and the Netherlands have hit my site! That’s a wide mileage range from readers. If you are one of those readers from out of the country “Welcome”! I hope I have been a good ambassador for Sarah’s Hope and also from the state of Washington. If you happen to want me to come to your country and visit you I’m all for that as well. Now I’m not being a good hostess; I invited myself to reader’s homes and somehow I don’t think that’s the proper etiquette. I’m just excited! If anyone who lives farther than Winthrop, and if you don’t know where Winthrop is then you count, wants two ambassadors for Sarah’s Hope and Breast Cancer survivorship in their neck of the woods I am amped up just thinking about visiting you! Can you imagine if my blog was the door to missions and traveling the world? Well, I am going to believe that God can use anything to bring his will to come so I’ll keep an open mind and an open schedule.
Today I decorated the Christmas tree with my mom. It’s something that we do together that we take pride in. Our tree could be in a magazine…seriously! Martha come check out this tree…it looks like it has jewelry on! My mom loves buying special ornaments that you can remember where they came from. Like mission trips to Biloxi, Mississippi, when our family went to the nutcracker and of course when we all went to Hawaii! She buys matching ornaments for all us girls so no matter where we are all of our memories come together to celebrate family ties and Christmas. Like every year, as soon the tree skirt is down, Max (the dog) is under the tree taking his rightful place as the first present of Christmas. I love decorating with my mom for the holidays. It’s just so much fun coming to Mom and Dad’s house when the tree is lit up, stockings are hung and the scent of cinnamon is in the air. I felt little again, filled with wonder for what the season will bring. Cookies and bows are coming up next!
I wanted to thank everyone who gave me a book or gave me a gift card for a book store. I have to go back even farther than that…I borrowed some of the books that my Mom received when she was recovering from cancer treatments. I have read many pages full of laughter, tears and “Wow” moments. I have highlighted and dog-eared so many encouraging verses, poems, stories and each book has offered me something new. Thank you for making my sleepless nights a little less lonely. With all the “keep your head up high” and “you go girl” pep talks or should I say pep reads, I find myself wanting to spur on others to keep fighting the good fight! Hey that’s another thing I could travel and do. Sarah the traveling speaker! Man, I am just itching to spread my wings and fly aren’t I? I guess if getting up in front of tons of people and feeling a little out of my element will let me check off some dream list then sign me up!
The radiation therapy is starting to show up on my skin. I can see a slight color difference but luckily my skin hasn’t been feeling any of the symptoms. Please pray that the effects on my skin will be minimal and that the radiation won’t zap me of my energy.
Thank you to all my readers both near and far for taking time out of your day to think about me. I feel very special that I am in your thoughts and prayers.
Love Always,
Sarah
Yesterday I felt awful. I wasn’t expecting to feel so nauseous at least until Thursday! It’s pretty bad when you can look at a calendar and say “Oh can we plan for Tuesday instead of Friday because I’ll need to go to the hospital that day.” I’m getting good at predicting how long I can last…I can predict the hour that my nausea will turn into…something else. It’s like being on a game show and the prize is going to the hospital and getting stuck with a needle! Alright, so not a great prize package but the “feeling good” part sure does beat “new car” smell. In Kirk’s case he would rather be nauseated and have a new car but that’s a man for you. I, on the other hand, would like to go one week without having to go to the hospital…hmmmm…how many weeks has it been? I’m going to look. (Isn’t the internet a wonderful thing?) I looked back and the first time I went in for fluids and anti-nausea meds was September 27th! Yikes, that’s like 10 weeks in a row. No wonder my arm is black and blue, it never has time to heal. Wow, I just realized that I can map out doctor appointments, special events, hospital visits and every lovers quarrel I have with Kirk! This is my online diary and you have the key! Don’t you feel special? I’m sure I write some things that make you want to say “I could have gone all my life without knowing that piece of information” but that wouldn’t be real life would it? I have to make the brave guys that read my blog squirm a little. I am, however, grateful for all my readers to have stuck with me through thick and thin. You keep me writing and I wonder how far my story is reaching…hold on a second…I’ll look! This month my blog has been read by people in Germany, India, the U.K., and Italy…and that’s only this month! If I look back Australia, Russia, France, and the Netherlands have hit my site! That’s a wide mileage range from readers. If you are one of those readers from out of the country “Welcome”! I hope I have been a good ambassador for Sarah’s Hope and also from the state of Washington. If you happen to want me to come to your country and visit you I’m all for that as well. Now I’m not being a good hostess; I invited myself to reader’s homes and somehow I don’t think that’s the proper etiquette. I’m just excited! If anyone who lives farther than Winthrop, and if you don’t know where Winthrop is then you count, wants two ambassadors for Sarah’s Hope and Breast Cancer survivorship in their neck of the woods I am amped up just thinking about visiting you! Can you imagine if my blog was the door to missions and traveling the world? Well, I am going to believe that God can use anything to bring his will to come so I’ll keep an open mind and an open schedule.
Today I decorated the Christmas tree with my mom. It’s something that we do together that we take pride in. Our tree could be in a magazine…seriously! Martha come check out this tree…it looks like it has jewelry on! My mom loves buying special ornaments that you can remember where they came from. Like mission trips to Biloxi, Mississippi, when our family went to the nutcracker and of course when we all went to Hawaii! She buys matching ornaments for all us girls so no matter where we are all of our memories come together to celebrate family ties and Christmas. Like every year, as soon the tree skirt is down, Max (the dog) is under the tree taking his rightful place as the first present of Christmas. I love decorating with my mom for the holidays. It’s just so much fun coming to Mom and Dad’s house when the tree is lit up, stockings are hung and the scent of cinnamon is in the air. I felt little again, filled with wonder for what the season will bring. Cookies and bows are coming up next!
I wanted to thank everyone who gave me a book or gave me a gift card for a book store. I have to go back even farther than that…I borrowed some of the books that my Mom received when she was recovering from cancer treatments. I have read many pages full of laughter, tears and “Wow” moments. I have highlighted and dog-eared so many encouraging verses, poems, stories and each book has offered me something new. Thank you for making my sleepless nights a little less lonely. With all the “keep your head up high” and “you go girl” pep talks or should I say pep reads, I find myself wanting to spur on others to keep fighting the good fight! Hey that’s another thing I could travel and do. Sarah the traveling speaker! Man, I am just itching to spread my wings and fly aren’t I? I guess if getting up in front of tons of people and feeling a little out of my element will let me check off some dream list then sign me up!
The radiation therapy is starting to show up on my skin. I can see a slight color difference but luckily my skin hasn’t been feeling any of the symptoms. Please pray that the effects on my skin will be minimal and that the radiation won’t zap me of my energy.
Thank you to all my readers both near and far for taking time out of your day to think about me. I feel very special that I am in your thoughts and prayers.
Love Always,
Sarah
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Day 233
A Quick Update from Kirk....
We were surprised today that Sarah's nausea came back so quickly this time. We were just in the infusion clinic on Thursday and tonight on our way back from her radiation appointment it was all Sarah could do to not throw up in the car. She hates the fact that she has to have a vomit bag be her most important accessory. Needless to say I immediately called and arranged for her to go into the infusion clinic. What we were amazed by tonight was that even with getting a liter of fluid on Thursday as well as drinking lots of liquids throughout the weekend, Sarah was dehydrated yet again. Tonight Sarah had a liter and a half of fluid and her body just soaked it all up. She appeared to be really, really dry. How could that be even though she drinks lots of fluids? We are asking ourselves that very same question. We would like to see if possibly getting IV hydration every couple of days instead of once a week keeps her from getting nauseous. Well, for now the mystery continues. The good news is that on Thursday Sarah is going to see a sleep specialist at Swedish. Hopefully they will be able to get a plan going for Sarah so that she can get some much needed continuous sleep. As an added help, after today’s radiation session, Sarah met with the Nutritionist at SCCA. We are coming up with a plan that will hopefully help Sarah’s body keep weight on and help to ease the nausea.
Thanks for reading. You’re support is making a huge difference!
Kirk
We were surprised today that Sarah's nausea came back so quickly this time. We were just in the infusion clinic on Thursday and tonight on our way back from her radiation appointment it was all Sarah could do to not throw up in the car. She hates the fact that she has to have a vomit bag be her most important accessory. Needless to say I immediately called and arranged for her to go into the infusion clinic. What we were amazed by tonight was that even with getting a liter of fluid on Thursday as well as drinking lots of liquids throughout the weekend, Sarah was dehydrated yet again. Tonight Sarah had a liter and a half of fluid and her body just soaked it all up. She appeared to be really, really dry. How could that be even though she drinks lots of fluids? We are asking ourselves that very same question. We would like to see if possibly getting IV hydration every couple of days instead of once a week keeps her from getting nauseous. Well, for now the mystery continues. The good news is that on Thursday Sarah is going to see a sleep specialist at Swedish. Hopefully they will be able to get a plan going for Sarah so that she can get some much needed continuous sleep. As an added help, after today’s radiation session, Sarah met with the Nutritionist at SCCA. We are coming up with a plan that will hopefully help Sarah’s body keep weight on and help to ease the nausea.
Thanks for reading. You’re support is making a huge difference!
Kirk
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Day 232
God is good...
If you only receive one thing from Sarah’s Hope please let it be the knowledge that my hope is in God.
My morning started with me being so weak that I could barely lift my head. It is in our weakest moments where God shines. As I stood in my closet staring at clothes, my frustration turned to anger. I started yelling at the enemy for taking my strength away, my passion for life, and my ability to hold my head high. He has taken way too much from me to stand back and not fight. Let me tell you God and I put the enemy in his place…right under our heels. I am done with being so weak that the enemy of my soul doesn’t have to be worried about me. I don’t know why I screamed but I screamed for God to give me supernatural strength. I shook as I asked for God to strengthen every muscle, every bone, every inch of me. I am done with not being a threat to the enemy. I actually strive to be in the enemy’s sights every minute because if I’m not I am not being God’s hands and feet. Strive with me to keep the enemy on his toes. We are children of God and we have a great purpose in front of us.
After my outburst of anger and plea for strength I was overwhelmed by the love of my Heavenly Father. I was reminded of Psalm 139, “O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.” My Father knows me. He knew all the thoughts that came to my lips this morning even before I awoke. Psalm 139 verse 13, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. Verse 16b “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” I don’t know about you but those words are new to me today. God knows me. He planned my life from the very beginning with the knowledge that I would suffer and still stand by Him. It gives me peace to know my every step is known; nothing is a surprise for Him. I am on the winning team…we are on the winning team! I was flooded with the knowledge of His love for me today. I wept tears of joy as I felt His presence filling my closet. I had a cry where a tissue just wasn’t going to cut it and I had grab for my bath towel to catch all the tears that fell from my cheeks. God and I met this morning. Not in church or after hours of prayer but in my closet. Where I have no armor on to shield me from the world; where I am real and vulnerable; where there is seriously no room for anybody else. In my closet is where God met me today and where He made me feel loved…from my inmost being to my outmost woman, I am loved by God.
Thank you for following this rollercoaster of a life. I am blessed to have you and I hope that my ah-ha moments touch you as well.
Love always,
Sarah
If you only receive one thing from Sarah’s Hope please let it be the knowledge that my hope is in God.
My morning started with me being so weak that I could barely lift my head. It is in our weakest moments where God shines. As I stood in my closet staring at clothes, my frustration turned to anger. I started yelling at the enemy for taking my strength away, my passion for life, and my ability to hold my head high. He has taken way too much from me to stand back and not fight. Let me tell you God and I put the enemy in his place…right under our heels. I am done with being so weak that the enemy of my soul doesn’t have to be worried about me. I don’t know why I screamed but I screamed for God to give me supernatural strength. I shook as I asked for God to strengthen every muscle, every bone, every inch of me. I am done with not being a threat to the enemy. I actually strive to be in the enemy’s sights every minute because if I’m not I am not being God’s hands and feet. Strive with me to keep the enemy on his toes. We are children of God and we have a great purpose in front of us.
After my outburst of anger and plea for strength I was overwhelmed by the love of my Heavenly Father. I was reminded of Psalm 139, “O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.” My Father knows me. He knew all the thoughts that came to my lips this morning even before I awoke. Psalm 139 verse 13, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. Verse 16b “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” I don’t know about you but those words are new to me today. God knows me. He planned my life from the very beginning with the knowledge that I would suffer and still stand by Him. It gives me peace to know my every step is known; nothing is a surprise for Him. I am on the winning team…we are on the winning team! I was flooded with the knowledge of His love for me today. I wept tears of joy as I felt His presence filling my closet. I had a cry where a tissue just wasn’t going to cut it and I had grab for my bath towel to catch all the tears that fell from my cheeks. God and I met this morning. Not in church or after hours of prayer but in my closet. Where I have no armor on to shield me from the world; where I am real and vulnerable; where there is seriously no room for anybody else. In my closet is where God met me today and where He made me feel loved…from my inmost being to my outmost woman, I am loved by God.
Thank you for following this rollercoaster of a life. I am blessed to have you and I hope that my ah-ha moments touch you as well.
Love always,
Sarah
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Day 231
Can it get any worse?
Yes, I asked the question…can it get any worse? The inner woman knows the answer is yes but the outer woman who is not dealing with life so well at the moment is screaming out…why…why… oh why. Can you picture me cross legged, throwing my hands up in the air and sobbing like a three year old in the middle of the floor? You can’t? Well, I’ll have Kirk take a picture in 5 minutes. Better yet…a video! I’m seriously losing it! I wanted to think that I have been at my lowest point and I am only on the rise but these last couple weeks have sure knocked me for a loop. My days are running into each other and I feel like every minute is a dream. Did I just finish my seventh round of radiation or did I go to Maui and get sunburned? Are Kirk and I married or are we just roommates who see one another in passing? I’m pretty sure about the seventh treatment and the marriage thing but everything else is getting a bit hazy. My poor husband…what he must go through each day. I try to hold things together but really Kirk is the glue; without him I’d be lost in all this chaos. Kirk worries about me at work, after work and he has been known to wake up and check on me. God when all this is over give me the ability to buy him his dream guitar! Kirk deserves the best and I can tell you most days I’m not a slice of paradise but you know what? Kirk loves me just the same. What a man. I have the best husband and sorry but he doesn’t have any brothers. I am a blessed girl and I hope I remember that my bad days aren’t just mine but ours and I need to realize that Kirk is dealing with life right along with me. So when I ask can it get any worse…I know it could. I could be without my partner, my best friend, my husband. Thank you God that you have given me the gift of a constant love…from You and from my husband.
If you see my husband can you do me a favor? I don’t give him near enough the praise he deserves for being “Husband of the Year” so will you help me? I don’t expect you to give him hugs and kisses but if you see him please let him know he is amazing. It’s not hard to see how wonderful Kirk’s heart is so don’t hold back, let the guy know that the world sees what an amazing man he is and that we are all proud of him!
Love Always,
Sarah
Yes, I asked the question…can it get any worse? The inner woman knows the answer is yes but the outer woman who is not dealing with life so well at the moment is screaming out…why…why… oh why. Can you picture me cross legged, throwing my hands up in the air and sobbing like a three year old in the middle of the floor? You can’t? Well, I’ll have Kirk take a picture in 5 minutes. Better yet…a video! I’m seriously losing it! I wanted to think that I have been at my lowest point and I am only on the rise but these last couple weeks have sure knocked me for a loop. My days are running into each other and I feel like every minute is a dream. Did I just finish my seventh round of radiation or did I go to Maui and get sunburned? Are Kirk and I married or are we just roommates who see one another in passing? I’m pretty sure about the seventh treatment and the marriage thing but everything else is getting a bit hazy. My poor husband…what he must go through each day. I try to hold things together but really Kirk is the glue; without him I’d be lost in all this chaos. Kirk worries about me at work, after work and he has been known to wake up and check on me. God when all this is over give me the ability to buy him his dream guitar! Kirk deserves the best and I can tell you most days I’m not a slice of paradise but you know what? Kirk loves me just the same. What a man. I have the best husband and sorry but he doesn’t have any brothers. I am a blessed girl and I hope I remember that my bad days aren’t just mine but ours and I need to realize that Kirk is dealing with life right along with me. So when I ask can it get any worse…I know it could. I could be without my partner, my best friend, my husband. Thank you God that you have given me the gift of a constant love…from You and from my husband.
If you see my husband can you do me a favor? I don’t give him near enough the praise he deserves for being “Husband of the Year” so will you help me? I don’t expect you to give him hugs and kisses but if you see him please let him know he is amazing. It’s not hard to see how wonderful Kirk’s heart is so don’t hold back, let the guy know that the world sees what an amazing man he is and that we are all proud of him!
Love Always,
Sarah
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Day 230
A Note From Kirk:
Sarah has been doing fairly well since starting radiation. Her skin has become a little red, but it hasn't caused her any discomfort so far. She still is having the weekly nausea, but now her new oncologist at Seattle Cancer Care Alliance has taken the reigns on that issue and has promised us that she will find the root of the problem. We have been absolutely thrilled with SCCA. They really show how much they care about their patients. It also very nice to see that they don't do the same "cookie cutter" treatments for every patient. Being partnered with the UW, they are constantly looking at all of Sarah's problems/concerns on a case by case basis. Never once have they done something just because that's the way its done. They are always on the leading edge of all the available treatments. I cannot tell you how much peace of mind it gives me to know that my wife's care is in the hands of some of the best doctors in the field of cancer.
Sarah is in the infusion clinic tonight getting her weekly fix of IV fluids, anti-nausea meds, and pain meds. She has not been sleeping almost at all, so I hope that all these IV meds make her drowsy enough to get a full night's sleep. We are very hopeful that Sarah's oncologist Dr. Korde will find a solution to all the nausea and maybe with some relief from that, normalcy for Sarah will start to return. I am very excited that this is the last month of this so far arduous year. Sarah will be done with radiation on January 5th and that marks the end of all the "tough" stuff. Once radiation is completed, Sarah will have 6 about months off and then begin all of her reconstructive surgery. I don't know about Sarah, but for me her reconstruction process doesn't feel like a negative. It is restoring and not taking something away from my sweet girl.
It has been really difficult to get into the habit of going to Seattle five days a week for Sarah's radiation treatments. With Sarah's exhaustion due to lack of sleep, Seattle every day has just added alot to her plate. For the next five weeks she will just feel like she is constantly playing catch up.
Please pray for Sarah over the next five weeks. She desperately needs rest in order to cope with this incredibly busy radiation schedule. For about two weeks she has only been sleeping about two to three hours a night and maybe only ten minutes at a atime after that. Not fun, and leading to extreme exhaustion for her. Her smiles are always there but with no sleep I can see the energy fading that it takes too keep up that beautiful smile.
Thanks for supporting my girl,
Kirk
Sarah has been doing fairly well since starting radiation. Her skin has become a little red, but it hasn't caused her any discomfort so far. She still is having the weekly nausea, but now her new oncologist at Seattle Cancer Care Alliance has taken the reigns on that issue and has promised us that she will find the root of the problem. We have been absolutely thrilled with SCCA. They really show how much they care about their patients. It also very nice to see that they don't do the same "cookie cutter" treatments for every patient. Being partnered with the UW, they are constantly looking at all of Sarah's problems/concerns on a case by case basis. Never once have they done something just because that's the way its done. They are always on the leading edge of all the available treatments. I cannot tell you how much peace of mind it gives me to know that my wife's care is in the hands of some of the best doctors in the field of cancer.
Sarah is in the infusion clinic tonight getting her weekly fix of IV fluids, anti-nausea meds, and pain meds. She has not been sleeping almost at all, so I hope that all these IV meds make her drowsy enough to get a full night's sleep. We are very hopeful that Sarah's oncologist Dr. Korde will find a solution to all the nausea and maybe with some relief from that, normalcy for Sarah will start to return. I am very excited that this is the last month of this so far arduous year. Sarah will be done with radiation on January 5th and that marks the end of all the "tough" stuff. Once radiation is completed, Sarah will have 6 about months off and then begin all of her reconstructive surgery. I don't know about Sarah, but for me her reconstruction process doesn't feel like a negative. It is restoring and not taking something away from my sweet girl.
It has been really difficult to get into the habit of going to Seattle five days a week for Sarah's radiation treatments. With Sarah's exhaustion due to lack of sleep, Seattle every day has just added alot to her plate. For the next five weeks she will just feel like she is constantly playing catch up.
Please pray for Sarah over the next five weeks. She desperately needs rest in order to cope with this incredibly busy radiation schedule. For about two weeks she has only been sleeping about two to three hours a night and maybe only ten minutes at a atime after that. Not fun, and leading to extreme exhaustion for her. Her smiles are always there but with no sleep I can see the energy fading that it takes too keep up that beautiful smile.
Thanks for supporting my girl,
Kirk
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