Wednesday, February 15, 2012

My Valentine’s Day Gift

My gift isn't one particular thing like flowers or chocolate, although Hubby did lavish sweetly on me, instead it is a collection of little and huge blessings from God Himself that my heart still has not been able to grasp the depths of His love for me.

My Family: I can’t help but crack a smile when I think of them. My mom and dad are both having major health issues at the moment but they aren’t letting their bodies hold them back from enjoying life and each other. In the midst of having to be off work together God had cooked up a plot for these sweethearts to fall in love all over again. Can you imagine seeing a new twinkle in their eyes when they are together? I see it every time I look at them. They talk about their future, they have “inside jokes” and my favorite is when I see my dad reach for my mom’s hand, squeeze it just a little and grin like he has just held her hand for the very first time. Everything else fades when I see them so happy…at least for now I can rest in knowing they are completely in love and that God is the best matchmaker.

My Health: I have been asking for healing and answers for the pain in my body for almost an entire year now. I have been prayed over, had hands laid on my body and we have fasted for answers. We have prayed for wisdom as my doctors performed countless tests and experimented with powerful and dangerous drugs. I am incredibly joyful to tell you...I HAVE NO MORE PAIN!!!
I just want to write it one more time…I HAVE NO MORE PAIN…oh wow does it feel good to finally share the good…no…GREAT!!!, news with those who have been cheering me on since my diagnosis. The glory of finding the answer doesn’t go to doctors, nurses or a lab tech. It simply goes to God putting the desire to be a mother deep inside my heart.

There I was scared to death that my parents would never see my children because my body wasn’t getting any healthier or any younger…my clock is ticking because of my risk for ovarian cancer. I had an Oncologist appointment coming up so I took a chance and brought up stopping my daily chemo drug, Tamoxifen, that is said to be keeping my body free from cancer, so Kirk and I could start looking into starting a family. My Oncologist said there was a risk for cancer coming back without the drug but I felt so strongly about it Kirk and I decided to stop the drug the next day. To be honest I felt for lumps all over my body for the next two days but when that third day came I dropped to my knees because I did feel something…it wasn’t a lump…I felt relief. I could move my body more freely, I could walk without cringing in pain, and I could stand tall with no fear of falling from weakness. The Tamoxifen was my enemy. That daily white pill was causing my bone tenderness, the aching muscles, the sleepless nights plus every other symptom that had been plaguing me for the past year. Without the pain and nausea symptoms I have been able to stop a whopping seven other meds! I was poisoning my body every day. Trust me, I do not and will never take Tamoxifen again. The ability to enjoy my life again far outweighs the risk of not taking Tamoxifen. I have come to the reality that my protection from cancer will come from God as he allows and not from a small pill.

My Future: Kirk and I are finally making plans. We were stopped dead in our tracks at two years of marriage and since then we have been desperately trying to find our way back to moving forward. Finally the time has come to close the book on my breast cancer story and start writing “Our Future”.
We have been given the green light from my Oncologist to start our family. Joy just rushes over me writing this. Becoming a mother was one of the strongest motivations for me to fight for my life. I have appointments set to speak with a family planner who specializes in women who have a history with cancer at Seattle Cancer Center and also with Seattle Reproductive Medicine. Soon I hope to have all the information needed to be safe with my own health risks as well as becoming the healthiest mommy-to-be that I can.
Kirk and I are also getting ready to buy a house. We have been praying about settling down near Snohomish and soon we will start to look at homes in our area. I can’t wait to start a new life in a new home that doesn’t have any memories of sickness tied to it. Here’s to finding Home Sweet Home!

Lately Kirk and I just smile at one another because we know that cancer isn’t holding us back any more. We beat cancer and we now have the choice to move forward and live the life that God has for us.

Thank you for the love and kindness that you have shown me through my darkest hours. I am so grateful to be in your hearts. You have always given me the courage to fight through with your prayers and messages. Because of you I knew I wasn't alone.

Love Always, Sarah

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Sarah, What an amazing posting!! God is so good and I have been blessed to have the priveledge to walk and pray with your family. You are an inspiration!!