Day 218

My Sunday Morning…or should I say our Sunday morning…just God’s and mine.
Kirk went to church this morning even though he wasn’t feeling well. It takes a lot for Kirk to not play for worship; that is his sacred time with God and a cold wouldn’t hold my Kirk back. Kirk said I wasn’t going to church because he didn’t want me to strain myself more and I am so happy I stayed home to have “church service” in my bedroom. I started my day with Jesus. Is there any better way to start your day? Absolutely not! I received such a pouring out of God’s love and compassion this morning. When I am weak why isn’t my first thought to go right to praising Him? That is something I am trying to change.

I spent some of my morning with Beth Moore saying “Amen, sister” and losing ourselves in the Word. Her message was to Guard our Hearts. “Let us fix our eyes upon him.” Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Our hearts are fountains from which emotions burst! Beth said you can’t have a heart that is dry, barren and empty. I believe this. I believe we can feel barren, but in our hearts it is not barren and desolate; we are only hurting for the One we love to come and transform our hurt and loneliness into a joyful love song. Whatever our hearts are feeling we are “spraying” those feeling on others. Beth said to picture our hearts as fountains. Luke 6:45 says, “For out of the overflow of his heart, his mouth speaks.” Our hearts affect every aspect of our lives. If we have a bitter heart we will spray bitterness on those around us. If we have an angry heart we will spray anger on those around us. But if we have a joyful heart we will spread that joy around like a wild fire. I don’t know what your heart is spraying on others but I have to admit I haven’t been “blessing” others lately. I’ve had a tired heart, a sad heart, a hurting heart and a frustrated heart. I also have to admit that I have had a fake heart. I fake my emotions to many, to hopefully hide the real pain that I am feeling. Maybe I do it to trick myself or to make all of you think I am some kind of super hero that doesn’t fall down and need God to pick me back up. But please know if God was not with me I wouldn’t still be here fighting. If I have had a fake heart, and I know I have, I have been spreading “fakeness” around to those around me and I am deeply sorry. My hope is that my heart will change. My hope is that my heart will be filled with passion, happiness, joy, and love. I will be praying that God controls my heart and scoops out all the muck and replaces it with what is in His own heart. After I meditated on what I had heard from Beth Moore I had to have more. Beth Moore will do that to you, she gives you a taste of the goodness and awesomeness of God and you go searching for more of the only one who can quench our thirst and satisfy our hunger. All I can say is that I wanted more.

Kirk has these crazy man headphones that block out all other noise and just about pop your eyes out of your head when at full volume but I have come to be inseparable with them. I was listening to Jesus Culture in my bedroom with these crazy man headphones and when all other noise is cancelled out and it can be just God and me singing love songs to one another it seriously takes my breath away. The song that really hit my heart is Your Love Never Fails, His love never ever fails me and never ever will fail me. Another line that made me grab my chest is You make all things work together for my good, you make all things work together for my good, you make all things work together for my good. As I grabbed my chest I felt the absence of my breasts, the pain that still lingers to the touch and the scars that are so visible….but in this time that I felt what had been taken away from me and what I am left with, I knew that those words Your love never fails and You make all things work together for my good were for me at that very moment. I’m not the same when I spend time with my God. My heart is soothed by His words of goodness and passion for me. I challenge you to spend some time with God praising him, not thinking about who else can hear you but push everything else aside and just love on Him. That’s all He wants from us. He wants us to set everything that takes us away from Him and say “Father none of this matters to me if you aren’t in it, I set it aside to spend time falling back in love with you.” I have God bumps all over me and His arms are holding me comforting me telling me “Sarah, I love you daughter”. My eyes are flowing with tears of joy and thanksgiving. I am so grateful to have a God that will do something good with the horrible things that I have had to face. God is nothing but good and glorious and I believe with all my heart that He is with me catching my every tear and holding me as I cry and He will punish the enemy that much more for me. Injustice won’t stand unpunished.

Exodus 33:18 Exodus 34:5-6a,8

Then Moses said, “Now show me your glory.” And the Lord said, “I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the Lord, in your presence.

Then the Lord came down in the cloud and stood there with him and proclaimed his name, the Lord. And He passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, “The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished.” Moses bowed to the ground at once and worshiped.

Love Always,
Sarah