An Interview

What is your and Kirk's "song"?

Sarah: “our” song is…

Kirk (interjects) : Oddly enough, it’s called The Break-up Song’

Sarah: No.

Kirk: I guess “our” song is ‘The Very Thought of You’.

Sarah: You guess?

Sarah: What’s our “Fun Song”

Kirk: It’s called ‘The Break-up song’ by The Greg Kihn Band

Kirk: But my favorite song is: ‘I Still haven’t found what I’m looking for’

Sarah (interjects): I’m right here babe.

Ellice (moderator): Okay, moving on…

If you could have any superhero power, what would it be?

Sarah: Mmmm (with a smile…a GRIN actually)

Sarah: I’m thinking about all the possibilities.

Sarah: I could read people’s mind and win every rock, paper, scissor contest for the rest of my life.

Kirk:  Invisibility.

Sarah: Invisibility?! Your clothes aren’t invisible so you’d have to walk around naked. In your parents house, are you comfortable with that?

Sarah: Okay, I change my answer. I want to fly…to get away from ‘Naked Man’.

What is your favorite sitcom?

Kirk: Well…

Mom Lien interjects(singing): ‘Friends are friends forever…’

Sarah: My all time is ‘Friends'.

Kirk: Seinfeld. It’s the most watched sitcom of all time.

Sarah (interjecting): I knew Ross & Rachel were going to be together forever.  Kirk, are you my Ross & am I your Rachel?

Kirk: Sarah, don’t compare our lives to a sitcom.

Sarah and Kirk: you are playing the lead role in a movie and the director asks you what the title should be. What would it be?

Kirk: What would you say, Sarah?

 - pause - 

Kirk: All right, my movie would be called ‘Stranger Things Have Happened’…because I’ve been saying that a lot.

Sarah: My mind is going to like ‘When Harry Met Sarah’.

Kirk: You’re using regurgitated movie titles.

Sarah: Instead of ‘Serendipity’, ‘Sarahdipity’.

Sarah: Okay…the movie would be: ‘The Autobiography of Sarah’. I would be playing myself, in a movie, in real life.  The Cast: ‘Sarah Lien – as herself’. What! (in response to Kirk’s funny look) My life could be a movie.

What is Sarah’s favorite restaurant?

Kirk: I don’t know.

Sarah: I like different restaurants for different foods. For bruchetta, it’s Taphouse Grill, and for salad it’s Conto’s, and for dessert The Cheesecake Factory.

What is Kirk’s favorite car?

Kirk: Porshe 911.

Sarah: Can that fit a carseat?

Kirk: Yeah, in the front seat…or the trunk.

Sarah: Kirk!!!

What have you been doing to have fun or keep your time occupied since the surgery?

Sarah: Umm…

Kirk interjects (in a funny little voice): The emergency room is a lot fun.

Sarah: Other than making friends in the E.R., I have been running out of yarn and being totally captivated by ‘Swamp People’ – the TV serious.

Kirk: They hunt alligators.

Do you have boy & girl names picked out for your first child?

Kirk: James Edward Alton

Sarah: Jillian

Kirk: And she’s going to call her ‘Little Jilly Bean’.

Sarah: Jillian Sarah Jane.

Sarah: I hope my first two are twins. (To Kirk) But then you couldn’t get your sports car.

Sarah: if you could be a male for one day, what professional sport would you like to play?

Sarah: Like you have to be a male to play a professional sport. Oh really, women can’t do that, huh?

Sarah: Chris (Author of the question), in your world, do women still have the right to vote?

Ellice: So, you’re not going to answer the question, are you.

Sarah: No, no.

Sarah: In case you haven’t noticed, women play all sports.

Kirk: what is your most memorable vacation and why?

Kirk: My most memorable vacation was my two week honeymoon in Hawaii.

Sarah: Ahhh. Now you don’t have to sleep on the couch tonight.

Kirk: The thing is, I wouldn’t really know the difference…I fall asleep in two seconds.

Sarah: What if someone kidnapped me in the middle of the night?!

Kirk: I wouldn’t know.

Closing thoughts:

Sarah (in a patrician tone): ‘These are the days of our lives…’

Kirk: Peace, y’all.

Day 212

A Note From Kirk:
So here we are again…One more time in the Emergency Room. My poor wife has just been dragged through a knot hole backwards. We are trying to stay on top of her nausea and dizziness, but some days it just gets out of hand fast. I am writing you from the ER at the Providence Pacific Campus while Sarah is getting fluids and meds to help her feel better. Better however, is only temporary for now. Sarah is being put through a lot of different tests trying to determine the source of all this sickness. I cannot tell you all how much I want Sarah to be able to go a week without being sick. I can just see and feel the frustration within her. Can you even imagine being nauseated and dizzy for six weeks straight. All I can say is that Sarah's smile should be considered miraculous at this point. After everything my sweet girl has been through the fact that she can still find the joy to smile like she does just amazes me! It brings me inspiration and I hope it does the same for all of you.

Please pray that we find the source of Sarah’s nausea very, very soon. I keep saying I don’t know how much longer she can take this, but somehow God continues to sustain her. However, the simple truth is: I don’t want her to have to take any more. I am ready for my Sarah to finally get some relief.

Thank you for all of the support you give by just reading and caring!

Kirk

Pink The Rink!

Have you heard!
Sarah and her mom, Barb, will be featured guests on October 29th at the Everett Silvertips game. They will be on the ice before the game meeting the starting lineup. A video will be played on the jumbo screen that features both Sarah and Barb. Come support these women and the fight against breast cancer with a fun night out! Please contact Sherri (info on flyer) if you would like to join us in the Crow's Nest suite. Space is limited so if your interested please respond as soon as possible Crow's Nest tickets cost $20 see flyer below. If the Crow's Nest is not for you, but you still want to support the cause, general seating costs $20 and includes a Pink the Rink shirt. Let's all show how much these special women inspire us by coming out to support them in their night to shine.

Day 211

At least it’s Friday...
This morning Kirk and I went to Seattle for an appointment with my plastic surgeon for a fill. I have been dreading fills because when I’m nauseous and throwing up my chest muscles get used violently and they don’t have a chance to totally recover before the next fill. When my doctor examined me he was very surprised at how well my reconstruction was going and was excited to hear that I was happy as well. We left with 60 more ccs of fluid, a couple of smiles and 3 more appointments. What’s next? Radiation would be the answer. I’m straining my eyes to see the end of the treatment road but it’s a little blurry. Yesterday I thought I struck gold with a diagnosis for my nausea and dizziness! Our family friend’s sister has had breast cancer as well and after chemotherapy her body refused to absorb liquids. She would have to go in to the hospital to get fluids every couple of days. Isn’t it scary what chemo can do to our bodies? I guess it is poison so what would we expect? I brought the diagnosis of the inability to absorb fluids up with my doctor and by golly my blood work and other tests don’t support my theory. How much more of this can I take? This unknown problem is driving me bonkers day and night. We didn’t find out what the underlying issue was today but I did get more fluids, nausea medication and a pain medication for my headache and chest pain. Every time I receive the “magic 3” I feel fantastic for at least 24 hours and today is no different. My body has been “reset” to normal but my mind is slowly fizzling out. I will be squeezing every last drop of happiness and fun out of this weekend! Who knows when I will feel great again at the start of a weekend.

Love Always,
Sarah

Day 210

My Dad:
When I was a little girl I dreamt of many things. I wanted to somehow wake up one morning with red hair like Princess Ariel from the Little Mermaid and make the whole ocean dance while I sang. I wanted to grow up and be a veterinarian and talk to the animals like Dr. Dolittle. I wanted to live in a castle with my Prince Charming and have a fairy god mother who dressed us up each night for a ball. I wanted to fly like a bird and soar through the sky. It’s funny the dreams children have. One of my favorite dreams is the one where I wanted to marry someone just like my daddy. When my dad used to tuck me in a night as a little girl did he know I never wanted him to leave me? That I always wanted to be his best friend, never moving out and to hunt and fish and get dirty just because I wanted to spend time with him? The room lights up when my dad walks in. Smiles flash because Daddy has arrived! Even Roman, my 1 year old nephew, can’t help screaming in delight when Grandpa Jim walks through the door. My daddy is strong in more ways than one. His knowledge of history, music, movies and how to win every board game is incredible. He loves his family so much that I think sometimes it hurts. He is the funniest guy around and I hope that he rubbed off on me a little bit of his wit and charm. My daddy worries for me and when I am in pain his heart is breaking with me. My dad is amazing and God blessed me with a man just like my dad. Some dreams do come true. I guess I was drawn to a version of my dad because I love him so very much. You gotta hand it to him…living with 3 strong willed, driven and emotional women over the past 20 years has made him our rock. That’s right Dad you are our rock. Us woman have these things called emotional meltdowns and we depend on our men to stand strong and tough out the storm with us. I am so thankful for my husband and my dad. The Hawkins/Lien women would be puddles on the floor without their encouragement, hugs, spaghetti and I can’t forget the curry. Daddy you have been on my mind so this one’s for you! I love you so much and I can’t wait for all your girls to be well and happy. Thanks for being the best.

Love Always,
Sarah

Day 209

A Note From Sarah:
I might hold the record for being in the E.R. once a week for the past 5 weeks! Oh wait that is not a good thing. I tell ya when you start having a welcoming committee when you check in to the emergency room something has gone awry. I went to my doctor yesterday because of some nausea and extreme dizziness and before I knew it I was in a wheelchair heading for the next available bed. My heart rate was erratic, my dizziness was making me stumble and my nausea was hitting high notes. Another doctor, another medicine regiment, another I.V. and another “I’m sorry we don’t know what’s wrong with you”. After 5 weeks of visits my arm looks like a war zone and I have given so much blood and urine that they probably have enough to clone me. We got out of the E.R. late and prayed that this would be the last time but my logical brain wanted to ask them to have a bed ready in 6 days. I guess we will see what happens. Today I am doing much better. Like all the other times I feel great for at least 24 hours then I start sliding back down the mountain into the pit of despair. Going from sick to well to sick to well over and over is quite exhausting. Can’t I just be better? I have to start radiation soon and 5 days a week for 6 weeks is going to put me over the edge if I still have no relief from nausea and dizziness. What is it called when you get “past” the end of your rope? Insanity? Well whatever it is called I think Kirk and I are there. Whenever we get ahead it feels like we are pulled three steps backward. How much more “backwards” can we go before we fall off the cliff? I try to put my rose colored glasses on and see the positive around me but some days all I can see is just a horrible world tinted pink. I am reminded that my life could be worse. My mom told me about a girl who has just been diagnosed with breast cancer and she is only 15. I wasn’t emotionally ready for breast cancer at 24 and she has to walk this road when she is only 15. My heart is breaking for her. I am so blessed that I was 24 when I was diagnosed…that’s an odd thing to say but it is truly a blessing that cancer waited this long. As I am writing this God is spiritually shaking me to wake up from this woe is me kick and see that my life is full of blessings and joy. I may not be able to see them right away but if I overlook the irritants at the surface of my life and look deeper I see a bright future with gifts and promises from God. Kirk’s dad said that if we could go through something this tough and hang on to God is the midst of it, then in future trials we would be “unstoppable”. I like the sound of that don’t you? To be unstoppable for God sounds great to me!

Thanks for taking the time to check in with me. I’m amazed at how many people my life is reaching. I’ll keep writing and you keep reading!

Love Always,
Sarah

Day 208

My 5:15 M.R.I.
Praise be to God for keeping me safe. It is only by His mighty hand that I am free from cancer. I am still in shock from having my M.R.I. done and don’t understand why I can’t shake off the seriousness when my results came back finding nothing wrong. My scan was clean but the fear that I felt has not left without leaving scars. Fear has become one of the enemy’s greatest weapons against me. It can stop me in an instant but I am wising up to the enemy’s game. For the last few months fear has had its days numbered with me but when I was on the schedule to have my brain scanned for “abnormalities” my fear defeating strategies flew out the window. I don’t even know where to begin. How do I explain how nausea turned into a moment that I will never forget? My whole life flashed before my eyes. Not just my 25 years but the life that I haven’t even lived yet was being played in my mind. The places that I haven’t been to, the memories that I haven’t yet created and the children that I’ve only seen in my dreams gripped my heart as I waited to hear if my worst fears were my reality. Only God knows how hard it was for me to sit in the waiting room with my husband and friends and not sob. I was so scared it hurt. I had beaten breast cancer but could I beat cancer again? I tried to trick myself into thinking it wasn’t that serious but the fear that swept over me could not be masked. I held tight to Kirk’s hand and to what God had promised me and waited for my doctor’s call. That was one of the most important calls of my life because it could have changed my entire future. I think that is why I am still in shock because my life could have been changed forever with one phone call. Life is so fragile and each day should be lived as though it was our last. My 5:15 M.R.I. reminded me of that. It reminded me that I should stop and look around at what I could be missing. It reminded me not to go to bed angry and to never ever part from my husband without a kiss worthy of fireworks. It reminded me that my dreams are actually goals that can be accomplished. It reminded me that family and friends are gifts to be cherished. If I had to endure fear to remind myself of all of this it was well worth the struggle. My life can be bitter sweet sometimes but I always have the choice at which to focus on. For Kirk and me, we choose to look at the “sweet”!

Thank you for lifting my family and me up in your thoughts and prayers. I hope you are inspired by my words as I am inspired by your encouraging comments to keep on going. Some days I wouldn’t have had the strength to get out of bed without you. I am blessed by each and every one of you. Thank you.

Love Always,
Sarah

Prayer Answered!!!

Tonight at 5:15, Sarah had an MRI of her head to see if there was anything going on that could be casuing all of her nausea. Her biggest fear was that they would find something serious. Uncertain of what was to come God was with Sarah in the MRI room and He was with me in the waiting room giving us peace. Well, the verdict is in! Sarah has absolutely nothing going wrong in her head. The scan was completely normal and for this we are so very thankful! God is good and God is mighty!!

Sarah said that she now knows for sure that there is nothing wrong in her head, but she playfully pointed out that because I have not had my head checked I should always agree with her on every decision. Let me tell you I might just have to get my own MRI done so I can return to making decisions again.

Thanks for all your prayers!
Kirk

Please Pray!!!

At 5:15 today Sarah is having a precautionary MRI of her head just to see if there is something going on that is causing the nausea.  Please pray as Sarah is afraid of them finding brain cancer.  Her doctor is not concerned but it is just one of the things they want to cross off of the list for possible causes of nausea.

Thanks to all of you faithful readers and prayer warriors!

Day 207

A Note From Kirk:
Tonight was truly frustrating for my sweet wife. For four weeks in a row, Sarah has wound up in the ER for really high levels of nausea. This week was no different. It was only last Thursday that she found herself in the ER and now this Thursday she was back again. I guess we get another punch in our “Frequent Visitor’s Pass.”

We have no idea what is causing the nausea and not being able to resolve it has been more than Sarah can handle at times. Her pancreas enzyme levels have come down a bit so that rules out pancreatitis and the EKG she had done tonight was normal so heart trouble is out as well. While we are truly grateful that she doesn’t have either of those things we do still truly want an answer to this puzzle. She is doing really great overall, but this nausea seems to always push her over the edge. When a 25 year old woman can’t leave the house without her lipstick and vomit bag, you can imagine how quickly things could become a bit overwhelming.

We went to the ER at about two in the afternoon and were promptly taken back and put in a room. The nurse came to start an IV but had a lot of trouble. She tried twice but was unsuccessful both times. Another nurse came and undertook the third attempt and finally got it right. However, I feel so bad for my poor Sarah. Every time they tried to place an IV they had to poke her and then dig around with the needle to try and find her tiny little veins. Ouch!!! Pretty soon we will be playing “connect the dots” with the needle prick marks on Sarah’s poor arm. Thankfully, the third time was finally the charm. We left the ER at about 6:30 with once again no answers as to why her nausea persists week after week. Frustrating!!! In the coming week we are going to work with Sarah’s doctor until we find the source of the nausea. We don’t want to be in the ER next week, but I fear they may be holding a bed for us just in case.

Please pray with us that the nausea Sarah is having will be cut off. As her husband, I can honestly tell you I don’t know how much more of it she can handle. Her pain isn’t real bad anymore and her healing process is going absolutely fantastic, but this pesky nausea keeps rearing its ugly head, stopping her from gaining ground in her complete recovery from all of this. We need your prayers!!!

Thank you everyone for your continued support. You are all such a great inspiration to Sarah and I know she definitely inspires all of you.

-Kirk

Day 206

An update from Sarah:
Does everyone have those days were you just can’t pull yourself out of bed? That was me this morning. I don’t know what happened. I had a wonderful weekend and now I am just a bump on a log without the desire to take a step out of the bedroom. It seems like most days I download every stressful thing to you. It sure helps me to not hold it all in but I hope you don’t get bogged down with my day to day. I literally stayed in bed for most of the day. Now that I’ve found the Lifetime movie channel, Animal Planet and of course HGTV whole day marathons I will never be the same. Now I know how to be a single mother on the lamb “only if necessary…of course”, wrestle an alligator out of the water for gumbo, while hanging sheer linen drapes that cascade down to the floor. T.V. is making me one of those “accomplished” women who pick up a little something from here and there and who knows when alligator wranglin’ might need to pay our car payment…so I consider myself grateful that I am a fast learner! By the way I’m going to start trying those wranglin’ moves on Kirk so keep it a secret so I’ll have the element of surprise!

After Kirk got home we decided to go get some dinner so I jumped into the shower that is now taking longer because I have to wash and condition my hair. I also have to shave my legs. This job is turning into more than I can handle right now. My arms get so tired and I still have mobility problems so shaving my legs can get tricky…I was flexible before and still missed the hard to reach areas so you can imagine my the difficulty I am having. I am supposed to ask for help but does that cross the line? “Excuse me church secretary….yes, I need to put together a sign-up sheet at the visitor center for help shaving my legs every couple days…do you need to check with pastor about this or are we good?” I’m considering bathing in Nair because this post chemo hair is coming in so thick I may be related to Big Foot. I’m sure Kirk would appreciate my attention to detail in the prickly leg department so I am trying. In the bathroom today I got one leg done so beautifully I was shocked with the attention to detail…the problem is I spent all my energy on only one leg and had no energy left for the second. Sitting out on the couch with Kirk in PJ Capri pants looks like it may have been a bad idea. He isn’t sharing the blanket with me… does that tell you anything?

Hopefully tomorrow I will have the energy to shave my other leg and do some more of my Bible study homework for Thursday. Friday is another fill and we will see how that turns out. I’m still having pain from the last fill but boy am I happy with how I am starting to look and feel. Fortunately my self confidence is on the rise but that could just be my cup size? Just kidding Girls and Guys! I would cry if I didn’t laugh so you are my audience. (Hey Kirk…do you think my followers are going to get scared off by that last comment? Hope not!)

Thanks for tuning in to hear me chat about my journey with breast cancer. God allowed me to take on this challenge because I was and am strong enough to take it on and WIN. My Heavenly Father loves me and trusts me to let His light shine through me in this trial and my main goal is to make Him proud of me.

Love you all. Thanks for all the comments that pick me up during the day. You all are amazing to read, pray, write, send flowers, cook and my favorite, be there for hugs. God blessed me with a very special family and friend support group that I could never do without. You Rock my readers! Lots of love to you.

Love Always,
Sarah

Day 205

A Note from Sarah:
I have had a fantastic weekend! It started a little shaky with being sick on Thursday but Friday I felt so much better after my E.R. visit. I should get a punch card for the E.R., “get your 10th visit free!” I think I’m getting close! I haven’t been nauseated since Thursday and let’s pray that the “nausea cycle” doesn’t start back up in a couple days. On Friday, I went to my primary doctor and he looked over all the tests and diagnosis paperwork from the E.R. and guess what…we are now back to having the mysterious nausea cycle undiagnosed! My doctor doesn’t think my pancreas is the problem unless I am an avid drinker and illegal drug user. Which I don’t think I am but I am on so many medications that who really knows what I do in my sleep. I am now on a couple new drugs to try (the legal kind) and we are going to see what happens this next week. So far my body has been able to handle the drugs that are normally very hard on the stomach so thank you Jesus for the extra strength that I need.

I also had a fill done on Friday morning that went well. My aunt Lynda took me to Seattle and we had a great time chatting the whole way there and back. The UW medical team took off my drain dressings and said everything was healing up wonderfully and I am so happy that my side pain has vanished since the drains came out! I had a little more saline injected than my first fill so my chest is a bit tighter than I was expecting but my results are making the doctors very happy. I am pretty happy about the results as well.

Okay back to my fantastic weekend! Family came in from out of town and we all had a blast. My parents had friends and family over on Friday night and the house was packed. It was so good to see everyone and give lots of “gentle” hugs. I tried my hardest to obey the doctor’s orders not to lift more than gallon of milk but I became an outlaw all weekend! I couldn’t help but sweep my nephew Roman up in my arms after I had chased him across the living room. And when a royal princess named Elizabeth (my niece) asks to twirl with you like a ballerina you can’t say no. Elizabeth is going to be three in December and boy does she have an imagination! We played hide and seek, tag, mamma bird and baby bird and we played with Roman’s train. My favorite game was “Princess and Dragon”. Elizabeth got a princess dress from Nanna Barb complete with shoes, jewels, gloves and a purse so you can guess who ended up being the dragon…who knows maybe I didn’t moisturize enough that day? Anyways Elizabeth and Roman would come near my “cave” and yell “Wake Up Dragon!” and I would open my eyes, roar with all my might and flap my dragon wings (bright pink tissue paper in each hand) and chase them all around the house. Their only safety was jumping into the arms of their parents, the Kings and Queens, and the angry dragon would fly back to her cave. I had so much fun being the fun playful auntie. I may have over done it a bit over the weekend but when I look back at this visit I will say I didn’t let cancer hold me back from making unforgettable memories with my niece and nephew that I will cherish forever. At the end of the night when we were saying our final good-byes to Joe, Susan and Elizabeth I was already getting excited to see their faces again. How much bigger will Elizabeth be? What new things will she know? I am such a sucker for kids and I do have my favorites and sweet Elizabeth you are sitting high on my list! Joe, Susan and Elizabeth, I love you all and can’t wait to see you soon!

Sunday Kirk and I had a down day. We were both exhausted from the busy weekend. Kirk had to recharge his batteries for the week of work coming up and I had to rest from playing pretend and having way too much fun. I couldn’t help but picture Kirk and I with 4 babies of our own running around playing pretend in costumes. I want to be a mother so badly but I have to have patience. God’s timing is the best and I have learned that God wants nothing but good for me so the best is yet to come!

Thanks everyone for keeping up with Kirk and me on our journey we call life. It has already turned out to be one full of “surprises” around every turn but with God and your support I know we can make it.

Love Always,
Sarah

Day 204

An update from Sarah:
I did not want to wake up this morning. Does anyone else ever feel that way? Of course we all do at some point. I was having a glorious time sleeping without those drains in and I never wanted to leave. Again God is so good for healing my body enough to free myself of those nasty things! He knew what I could take and He delivered me. When I got up this morning I had some low level nausea. However, I knew the enemy wanted me to be sick so I couldn’t spend time with God. I got ready anyways but always kept a bathroom in sight at all times just in case I felt worse. On Thursday mornings I am going to a new Bible study on Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer at Father’s House in Granite Falls. My mom and Sherri have done studies there and they invited me to this one. I am enjoying her book so much. I am learning a lot about myself and I just love getting closer to my Heavenly Father in the process! I do not walk after the flesh but after the Spirit! Positive minds produce positive lives! Expect miracles in your life! Okay did anyone else need to hear those quotes? I sure did. I underlined so much that you could barely read it after I was done. I love our group known as the “Pumpkin Ladies”. At first we were like oh man we are pumpkins? But we have come to love being Plump and Orange…just kidding but our group is super fun and I will enjoy the rest of this study, I just know I will.

After Bible study my mom drove me to her house and by golly that nausea crept right back up on me and pounced hard. I was on the phone to Seattle Cancer Care Alliance, UW Medicine, the oncall doctor of my primary doctor, the Cancer Partnership and no one could tell me what has been going on. It seems like every 3 to 5 days I have uncontrollable nausea and vomiting and this has been going on for weeks now. After spending countless hours on the phone with every doctor known to mankind, I broke down and asked my mom to take me in to the ER for fluids, anti-nausea meds and some pain killers because I just couldn’t keep anything down. I’m becoming a pro at check-in and I think they should have an express line like they do with airline counters! I’m just complaining now since there was only a five minute wait and I got into a private room with a wave of the nurse’s magic wand. I gave them everything I had to give…blood pressure, temp, blood, urine, and my story about what has been going on and the frustration it has caused because no one seems to be able to diagnose my ongoing problem…until now! I don’t want to put all my eggs in one basket but my ER Doctor said my blood levels showed that my pancreas is having issues. I was in the ER on the 27th and my enzyme levels were on the high side but tonight my levels had doubled since then and they believe everything I am feeling could be symptoms of pancreatitis. The mystery may have been solved and I am so thrilled! They offered to admit me because pancreatitis can change fast if not treated but I wanted to come home and treat it on my own…well Kirk is on board and he is fantastic with keeping me up to date on meds and monitoring my diet so I don’t slip up and fall back into the “nausea cycle”. My husband is amazing and I am so happy he is all mine! I have to go on the BRAT diet with low protein for about a week but I am craving everything I shouldn’t and can’t eat, especially mac and cheese! I am going to gain some serious weight when this BRAT diet week is over. Anyone want to join me for an ice cream, mac and cheese, and mashed potato party…bring your big forks! So long story short I have to be on bland food for a while to see if my pancreas will recover. I will keep you updated on this developing story; you know I will. This morning at Bible study Katie said a fun quote. It went like this, “Without tests in your life there would be no testimony.” So true Katie! Thanks for sharing that with our group.

Friday morning I have another fill at the UW. I am nervous and excited again so we will see what they end up doing because of all this sickness I have been dealing with. They will also check out my drain bandages too to see how those are healing.

Please pray that my fill goes well in the morning without complications. Also pray for my pancreas to heal and these waves of getting sick each week stops. In Jesus’ name I come against these afflictions so please pray with me that I will be healed.

I love you all and thank God for you.

Love Always,
Sarah

Day 203

An update from Sarah:
So long…farewell…auf Wiedersehen, good night! This was playing in my head while I was getting my drains out. Yes! They are finally out. Hallelujah I thought this day would never come! I had my surgery on September 13th and they have been my worst enemy…I guess since I woke up from anesthesia. I posted on Facebook this morning that I was having a bed day because we were desperately trying to record lower drainage numbers and not moving your arms helps but it can drive you crazy. I posted that I was “stuck in bed wanting nothing more than to go on vacation to Maui.” And that “Maybe I will put on a CD of wave music, crank up the heat and lay in bed with my swimsuit on.” Then we got the call. UW Medicine called and said they believed the numbers were low enough that we could give it a try and take them out. Both of them! Yahoo for me! I jumped out of bed, and got ready so fast there were flames! I have been so miserable and the time had come! We didn’t wait long before getting called back to the exam room and they didn’t even offer me a gown becuase it was going to be so quick and easy. All she did was cut a stitch and they were out. Freedom at last! I am writing this right before I go to sleep and I am so excited about sleeping without those painful drains.

Thank you all for praying for patience and comfort while I had my drains in. I am so grateful to have prayer showered on me daily by you. Kirk and I feel so loved and we thank God for you.

Love Always,
Sarah

Day 202: A few moments later...

Kirk and I ended up in the E.R. again, but this time it wasn’t for me. Our sister, Ellice had to go to the hospital for some breathing problems. I know how difficult it is to bring yourself to say “yes. I do need to go into the E.R.” and how stressful it can be so Kirk and I wanted to support our sister to the fullest and be there every step of the way. Kirk loves Ellice so much that I don’t think anyone could have talked him out of being the one to drive her to the emergency room. Mom Lien and I weren’t far behind praying and rebuking the enemy for once again attacking our family. There was absolutely no wait after checking in at the E.R. desk…thank you Jesus…and we were in a private room within minutes! The doctors were quick to figure out how to soothe her excessive cough and settle her inconsistent breathing. After a couple hours things evened out and Ellice was ready to go home with a bronchitis diagnosis, a handful of meds, an exhausted chest and a sticker that called her a Super Star! Which to all of you who haven’t met my other sister please know the Super Star sticker doesn’t even tell you the half of it! We finally got her home and her breathing was giving her a break. Kirk and I gave great big hugs and kisses and headed back to our house in Snohomish.

"Please Lord protect my sister tonight. Guard her with your angels and send her your ultimate comfort and peace as she sleeps tonight."

Day 202

A Note From Sarah:
So today was a bit better than the last. Kirk demanded I have a “bed day” to recuperate from using my arms too much which caused some extra drainage. Extra drainage is bad because if I can’t get the amount down I will have to live with these horrid drains until I reach my 30’s! So bed days include me doing absolutely nothing and Kirk doing absolutely everything but giving me a massage. And you know what? If I had asked him to do that I would have gotten a massage as well! So let’s all give a big thumbs up to bed days! Lord thank you for this amazing man you have given me. What on earth would I do without him? He can reach the top shelf for laundry soap, tie up my drains for me to take a shower, sleep with only one pillow while I have the other eight, eat his dinner in the other room to make sure the smell doesn’t upset my stomach, remember every medicine at every time they are needed and also find time buy me more strawberry Gatorade when we are running low. God you don’t make too many men of this caliber do you and you let me find him. Once you find a keeper what do you do? Well in my case I stalked him until he finally noticed me and now look we are happily married with stars in our eyes…most days and no restraining order has been necessary. I say most days because ever since March 2010, I am the culprit of making things crazy. It all usually starts with me getting nauseous and not being able to take my pills. Then comes the fun Sarah…the one that if you look at me wrong or say something that I just can’t handle, I fling myself over the wall of inconsolable souls without a lick of thought. It doesn’t matter what anyone has to say I cry. Not a few tears and off we go, but the big alligator tears while throwing myself in a heap on the floor. I say things like “no one knows how I feel…” or “I don’t even know how I feel”. When all of this emotional breakdown was happening I pulled up my bootstraps, said, “I can do this” and started rewinding a movie for Roman our nephew to watch as my Mom known as “Nanna” Barb folded towels. I started to put myself back together and asked Kirk to start the movie even though it wasn’t all the way at the beginning. Kirk pressed play on the Disney Fox and the Hound and I about sunk to the floor. The next sentence I write I am not proud of so please bear with me. I started to yell at my beloved husband because he had inadvertently started the movie at the saddest part ever and just let me cry my little heart out with nothing to stop it. My poor husband never knows when the time bomb is going to go off, but maybe we should come up with a secret code word that could at least get him in the car and a couple streets over before it starts. Save Kirk, Save Kirk from his wicked, wicked wife…alright I’m not that bad…at least I hope I’m not that bad. Maybe Kirk will have to start up a blog to get out his true feelings. Or, maybe Kirk and I should write a book about being only 24 but having the world think that you have to be at least 50 to be able to deal with all of this. I’ll let you know if any editors call up and offer us a book deal.

On a lighter note, I have found something that lifts my spirits higher than high! I have known about this pleasure of mine for awhile and I don’t do it as often as I should to reduce my stress. It may be a little awkward for some of you but if you have never tried this you can’t roll your eyes. When I am having a horrible day and nothing can get me out of my funk, Kirk takes me to Bridge’s Pet Store to look at the puppies. I know I’m not in the market because our apartment is a dog free zone but just to sit there and have them lick your fingers and occasionally nibble on them just makes my heart melt into a puddle. I never get up the courage to ask if I can just play with them or give them a walk or just snuggle but I should. Bridge’s Pet Store if you read this please let me come play with your puppies. My day would be a whole lot brighter if you would open your store to me for a little bit of time. I would even be willing to give the puppies baths which oddly enough would lift my spirits even higher.

Love Always,
Sarah

Day 201

A confession from Sarah:
I never take up anyone on their offers to help. What is wrong with me? Here I am suffering and making my husband run around like mad because I can’t accept help. I’m admitting to all of you (I’d probably freak out if I knew the real number) that I have a problem with accepting help to hopefully gain some ground on my addiction with saying “Oh I think I’m fine” when in reality my insides are screaming, “All I need is help.” It’s an addiction that Kirk and my parents know about and try to help me out with. I guess I should be happy that this is not a so called bad addiction but it is causing pain and difficulty where there should be peace. I have so many family members, friends, and readers, that would do just about anything for me and do I take you up on your kindness? No. I don’t know what is going on inside of me that refuses to let people help me but I have got to get over this or it will overcome me. Has anyone else had this problem? I know in this time I’m suppose to rest and not overly use my arms so I can get my drains out as soon as possible, but how can I not use my arms when the house is getting more and more cluttered by the day? I finally snap and bend over, reach top shelves, pick up something that is just about over the weight limit and stare at the vacuum until I start to cry. I have had so many people offer to help with dishes, housecleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, and just plain ol’ sitting in bed with me to watch an old Audrey Hepburn movie. But as desperate as I am I don’t take those who love me up on it. I think it is because they are simple chores that as a wife I should be able to accomplish with no help. I feel helpless some days and I get so embarrassed when Kirk comes home to chores that can go on for days. If you offer to help and I hesitate for a split second just stalk me home and do whatever you want to do. God has got to help me with this horrible one woman show I call life and I think you all can help. When I got sick I thought I should still be able to do everything and boy have I tried and boy did I exhaust myself every time. I guess I don’t put two and two together …cancer and surgery equal weakness and the need for help. Is that something everyone else knows but me? I’ll try to be better. I promise. If not for me then I will try for Kirk. I love Kirk so much and he picks up all the slack and I feel like I need to give him the only help I can…your help. Again if you offer to clean, run errands, sit with me, fold laundry or just be here while I take a shower don’t you dare let me say no. Push me till it hurts and I will eventually crumble and be grateful on the inside and outside. Thank you in advance for helping a hurting woman in need.

Also, I don’t want to sound like a broken record but Kirk and I almost went into the emergency room again Sunday night. I couldn’t keep anything down, especially pain medication and I was at the end of my rope. My mom said the ER is a zoo on Sunday nights so we opted out of that and did the next best thing…go home to mom and dad’s house. I was back on the B.R.A.T. diet which is bananas, rice, applesauce and toast. When you are craving Stouffers Mac and Cheese applesauce just doesn’t cut it. Somehow Mom’s house always brings the peace I need and I settle right down…but it could have also been the fact that my mother was feeding me applesauce by the spoonful like she does with my 1 year old nephew. My arms were in so much pain that I took what I could get and let my mom do the “Here comes the airplane” but I bet my mother loved every second of it. I got to use the big spoon and not the colored plastic spoons just in case you were wondering. I am still in so much pain but Kirk and my doctors have been talking and saying my body has had just about enough pain killers and it is revolting. Nausea, headaches, chills, mood swings and crying about everything is my body telling the world I’m done with being sick so please leave me alone. On one hand I wish they could just back away slowly so I wouldn’t have to deal with anymore of this but on the other hand how am I suppose to inspire other women on this road if I wasn’t brave enough to keep pressing on myself? I will press on till I’m done and even after I’m done I will never stop pressing on for those who are walking the same road I did. God give me strength in order to walk this path. I know that you are with me every step of the way and I am so grateful that I am not alone.

Love Always,
Sarah

Day 200

An Exciting Note from Sarah:

On Saturday I was in a parade! I have shared with some of you that being in a parade was on my “list” and I finally got the opportunity to do it! Sherri offered me a place in the Granite Falls Railroad Days Parade and Kirk and I jumped at the chance. Her Alfy’s location was featured and she wanted to give me the opportunity to ride in style with the Alfy’s entourage. We started thinking of how Sarah’s Hope could be featured and I immediately thought of dressing up in a pink dress, wearing a crown and riding in one of my favorite cars! Duh…a red mustang convertible. I think I’m starting to have an obsession with them. Luckily I know a man that loves me like a daughter and has a fabulous red mustang convertible! Our family friend Randy Wolf let me enter his mustang in the parade as the official car of Sarah’s Hope! Thanks Randy! Randy’s daughter, Jen, and Jen’s husband, Chris, were my drivers and the candy throwers. If you got nailed by a sucker sorry about that! Thanks Jen and Chris. You two are awesome and I know deep down inside you were just waiting for the chance to be in a parade! The Alfy’s entourage…and by entourage I mean I’m pretty sure we had the largest group there, started out with a soccer team that Granite Falls Alfy’s sponsors, followed by the Sarah’s Hope Breast Cancer Princess mustang, then came the dancing pizza slices (more about them later). The slices were followed by Sherri, Austin,Becca and Rob who are getting pretty good at throwing Alfy’s merchandise at crowds without injuring them. And last but definitely not least came the Alfy’s bus who was driven by Bob Jones and my Kirk Lien was there right beside him in case things got dicey. Bob and Kirk bonded in that 40 minutes and now we are all jealous of what they have. Now back to those pizza slices also known as Momma and Papa Hawk! Man if we had video of their “street moves” we would win the $100,000 prize money from America’s Funniest Videos. My parents can really shake it and they know the moves that bring men, women and children to tears. I am so proud of them I can barely stand it…and guess what else? My mom had a cold and she brought the heat like no other pizza slice I have ever seen! Let’s all give a “Whoop Whoop” for my favorite pizza slice parents. I love you guys and maybe you can teach me some of your moves? I don’t think Sherri has to worry about who is going to be the pizza slices for next year. My parents have done it two years in a row so far and I think their Alfy’s parade streak has just begun. Maybe Kirk and I should come up with more costumes and join my parents but we would first have to learn the sacred moves of the pros.

Thank you all who came out to the Granite Falls Railroad Days and cheered the Alfy’s crew on! I am so grateful to everyone at Alfy’s for their never ending help and love. Thanks Bob, Sherri, Becca, Austin, Rob and the rest of the Alfy’s family! Also I want to thank Heather Mayer for taking pictures of the event. I gave her such short notice but Heather really is wonderful and she came out ready to go. All of her pictures are fantastic and I am so happy she is my friend. Thanks Heather for all you do for Kirk and me.

I hope the Railroad Days crowd won’t soon forget us because I won’t ever forget the moments when I saw all the little girls looking up at me and sheepishly waving at a woman who is fighting for her life wearing a tiara and a pink dress. To those girls I was a princess. Thank you everyone for making me feel beautiful and loved just like a princess.

By the way my followers are just about to 90! How amazing is that! Once the goal of 90 is hit the next is 100! Can you believe how close we are to breaking 100 followers? It’s all because of you! Thank you!

Love Always,
Sarah

Day 199

A note from Sarah:
So I am hurting. Hurting in a good way I guess. I had my first “fill” Friday morning down in Seattle and it was exciting yet painful. For those of you who missed what a “fill” is here is the scoop. I had expanders put in during surgery so we could expand my muscle and skin out to eventually put in permanent saline implants to replace the breast tissue that was taken in surgery. Isn’t modern medicine amazing? Friday morning we made the exhausting trek to Seattle through the never ending traffic for an appointment that only took about 10 minutes. Yeah it’s that fast! Prep the skin, needle prick, saline fluid, “How does that feel”, circle band aid, “See you next Friday”, appointment counter, and then the parking garage! I forgot how quick those appointments were. I went with my mom a handful of times when she was going through her expansion process but I guess it is a little different when you are in the hot seat. After I was done with my “fill” I started feeling tight across my chest and I took some muscle relaxers to calm the muscle spasms that can occur. About an hour later I took some pain medicine and Kirk put me to bed to sleep off my medicine hangover and to forget about extreme pressure on my chest. I woke up hours later to my cell phone ringing and I felt so much better! I was a little embarrassed at the doctor’s office, my skin is so dry that I look like I’m molting. Okay it’s not that bad but have you ever thought of filling your entire bathtub with lemon verbena lotion and locking the door for an hour? Oh…just me huh? Well I think I’m so dry because it is so hard to put lotion on due to these darn drains. I still have two but hopefully they will be gone by this week! Come to think of it the drains make everything difficult. Showering is such a hassle, so is sleeping and shaving. Somehow my prayers for my leg hair not to come back didn’t make it to heaven or God thought He couldn’t make it so obvious that I am His favorite!

Love Always,
Sarah

Day 198

Ever since the day in the emergency room, Sarah has been doing pretty well! She has been at her mom’s helping with craft projects, playing with Roman when he’s there and doing one of her favorite tasks: organizing (it helps her de-stress). Tonight Sarah had the wonderful opportunity to go to the 5th Avenue Theater with her mom. Mom Hawkins has season tickets to the 5th Ave and often takes Sarah, but it has been awhile due to what Sarah has been going through. Sarah was kind of reluctant to say she would go mostly because she is so self-conscious about her drains. However, Sarah took one look at her favorite dress and said, “I am going to make this work!” She had probably one of the most creative moments when she found she could use her drains as quasi breast implants. I thought it was a strange idea at first too but it really worked! She said, “I’ll use my drains for what they took away from me.” Tonight she is going out on the town with drains as breasts and no hair or wig. This is scary for her, but I have to tell you that as a husband I could not be more proud. Sarah decided long ago that she would never let this cancer or the treatment thereof ever stop her from living. Let me tell you there have been a lot of tough times, but my Sarah has never given up…not for one second. This evening she has taken something truly awful and decided to celebrate in the midst of it. What a testament to God’s strength within her. I love you Sarah, with all of my heart.

Thank you all for your continued support in every way. My wife truly is blessed with the best support system a person in her situation could have. You all mean the world to her because she started the blog not knowing what would come of it and YOU her blog readers and followers have made something great out of it. We couldn’t do this without you.

Kirk

(click on image below to enlarge)

Day 196

Last night Kirk called for prayer support. Sarah has been having disturbing dreams at night. When I arrived at their apartment Sarah was in her ‘green’ chair with tears running down her face for she was afraid to fall asleep. We prayed and then I asked her if I could read the Psalms aloud to her. I wish each of you readers could have seen what I was privileged to see. As I was reading about praising God, Sarah, in her mind’s eye, had her hands raised as high as possible giving glory to Him. She soon began to cry in earnest but this time they were tears of joy, for as she was praising her Saviour He came with a wonderful vision….Jesus was putting beautiful, long, white gloves on her. She also saw herself in the most gorgeous, shimmering, white gown….her hair long, thick, and braided into a lovely coil on her head in which baby’s breath was placed. In her sweet Sarah voice she cried out, “I look so beautiful!” And you all know she did!!

If you know Sarah at all you know how much she loves to cuddle and she decided that the three of us, with her in the middle, should all sleep on their queen bed. I have found that 12 inches of bed is enough! Of course I tried to convince Kirk to set the camera on a timer and take a pic of us for the blog but, alas, he was not to be talked into anything of the sort, so you will all just have to use your imaginations.

This afternoon Kirk made the decision to take Sarah to the emergency room for some much needed fluids and pain medication as she has been very nauseous the last few days with bouts of vomiting. The issue is that her appetite has not returned so it has been very difficult for her to get enough food in her system for all the meds she is taking.

Please pray that her appetite will increase, her pain decrease, that she can very quickly have her drains removed, and that her night hours will be filled with peaceful dreams.

Thank you again to all for your love, caring support, and especially your prayers!

Mom Lien

Day 194

A Note from Sarah: 
Yesterday, I had an appointment with my plastic surgeon Dr. Mathes. He told me that I was healing up very nicely and that I was right on schedule for the next part of his treatment; the expansion process. This upcoming Friday I have another appointment with him to start filling my expanders. The amount of expansion depends on how I am healing and what my skin will allow.

When I was going through chemo I always pressed through not letting it hold me down, make me depressed, or stop me from seeing people. At first, I took the same approach with my surgery. I didn’t want it to keep me down either. Surgery though, I have come to realize is much different than chemo. With chemo the more you get out of bed, the better you’ll feel and more strength you’ll have in the long run. However, with surgery the more I do, the more I pay for it later. It is important for me to be up and out of bed some, but I need to make sure that I still take it easy; which, much to my husband’s dismay, I have not been. Kirk has officially put me in the time-out corner. He has gotten after me too many times about how much I can lift and how high I can put my arms up. Unfortunately, I keep ignoring him and now he can say, “I told you so.” I have done one too many things today and now my body is screaming STOP! As I write to you I am in bed with pillows under, over, and across every part of my body and my arms and chest hurt like mad.

Please keep Kirk and me in your prayers as it is very difficult because I struggle to go…go…go while Kirk is always worrying that I’ll overdo it and pay for it. Thanks to all of you who have brought dinners and flowers over. Your thoughtfulness in my time of need means the world to Kirk and me.

Love Always,
Sarah

Day 192

Yesterday was Sarah’s 25th Birthday! She has probably had better birthdays in the past, but we are going to take her out and celebrate again when she is feeling better. We had a fun night nevertheless. We all got together at Momma and Papa Hawk’s. Papa Hawk made Sarah’s favorite dish: Curry Dinner. After dinner we all gathered around the table and started working on a puzzle together. Even though she wasn’t feeling that great, it was nice for her to get out of the house for the first time since her surgery.

Today started out kind of interesting to say the least. Sarah woke up in the middle of the night with a 101.5 degree fever. I was kind of concerned as a fever can often be a sign of infection. We managed to get her fever broken by about noon and at 2:30 we had a follow-up appointment with Sarah’s breast surgeon. That appointment went very well! Dr. Calhoun examined her and told us that all of Sarah’s surgical sites look great. She also gave us a paper copy of the pathology report on Sarah’s removed breast tissue and lymph nodes. This proved as reminder to us that Sarah at this point is 100% cancer free! To top it all off, Sarah was also cleared to have one of her three drains removed! She can’t wait to have the other two taken out as well! Overall Sarah is doing very well; however, because of the extent of her surgery, she is still in quite a lot of pain. As I am writing this Sarah is all snuggled in her bed sleeping. I love to see her so peacefully resting, because I know that when she is sleeping she is not feeling the pain in her body. I love my Sarah so much and can’t wait to see her get past this huge hurdle in her journey.

Please pray the pain starts to quickly decline in its intensity. I am eager to see her more comfortable.

Kirk

Calling All Readers!

Would you like to ask Kirk & Sarah a question? Since Sarah is stuck in her bedroom for awhile, it would lift her spirits if all of her blog readers sent in a question. Send your query (along with your name, city and state) to sarahshope2010@yahoo.com and it will be featured in an interview blog post! Feel free to have fun and get creative! Serious or random – it’s up to you!

Day 190

Today, Momma Hawk came over to visit with Sarah and brought a special surprise along with her. She had planned to bring the Roaster along with her to lift Sarah’s spirits. Roman found the water fountain in our bedroom to be quite entertaining and Momma Hawk had to watch him like a hawk because the next thing he found entertaining was to try to drop Auntie Sarah’s phone into the toilet. Sarah and Roman also snuggled during naptime while she and her mom talked about the similarities in how they both felt after their own surgeries.

At noon a lady from the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center came to talk to Sarah about her cancer story. Sarah wanted to be a part of this clinical study, in hopes of someday helping the next generation of cancer victims.

My parents came over tonight to celebrate Sarah’s birthday because she turns 25 on the 22nd. On their way, my folks stopped by my grandparent’s house to pick up some food that my grandma had made for us. She made one of my favorite things she makes which is a chicken and dumplings type dish. After dinner, Sarah had a fun time reading her cards and opening her gifts. Sarah absolutely loved the Beth Moore books that she received. After gifts we settled down on the couch and watched “America’s Funniest Home Videos”, which is very quickly becoming a family tradition.

As Sarah’s birthday is approaching, it makes me realize how fast life flies by. We have had quite a lot of difficulty this year and we can’t wait to leave this all behind us. I hope that the coming year will be a time of blessing and renewal for Sarah and I.

“Here’s me wishing you a Happy Birthday my darling Sarah! I love you so much! I can’t wait to spend the next 25 years and beyond with you.”

-Kirk

Day 189

A note from Kirk: 
Today Sarah was at home while I was at work. It was my first day back at work and I felt weird about leaving my precious wife home alone but I knew she was in good hands. My mom was with Sarah all day and it put my mind at ease knowing she would be well taken care of. Today was a little interesting because at about 3AM we ran out of Sarah’s pain medication. She has another kind but it doesn’t even come close to working as well. This morning, I had to call the surgeons office at Seattle Cancer Care Alliance and have them write us another prescription. Momma and Papa Hawk were kind enough to go down and pick it up so that I didn’t have to leave work. Needless to say getting more of the right pain medication took all day. Because of this, Sarah had to use the other medication that doesn’t work as well and consequently was in more pain than she wanted to be in. It sounds like a bummer of a day, but good company and frequent napping helped Sarah keep her mind off of the pain in her chest.

Sarah has been very excited about the possibility of her readers asking her lots of fun questions for an interview blog post. So, I wanted to remind you to send in your questions soon!

Please pray that the pain Sarah has been having will start to decrease greatly over this week. As well please pray that she could get her drains removed quickly as she absolutely abhors them.

HAIR UPDATE: Sarah’s hair is growing back so quickly that I wanted to measure it. I am happy to report that her longest hair is now ½ an inch. Wow!!!

Thanks for your prayers!!!

Kirk

Day 187

It is getting harder and harder to keep Sarah still. She loves to do things around the house and not being able to for multiple days starts to make her a little stir crazy. Some of the medication she is taking makes her eyes a little blurry so when she wants to walk around the house I get nervous that she might fall. However, she needs to get up and walk some to help her recover more quickly. Right now not much has changed in how she is feeling but we are just trying to keep a handle on her pain levels. Sarah’s appetite really hasn’t come back but she is trying to eat as much as her stomach allows. Overall Sarah is doing Ok but she is having kind of a lot of pain. Please pray that in the few days to come her pain will start subsiding and she will be able to be more comfortable.

Thanks for all your prayers!

-Kirk

Day 186

An Update from Kirk:
Today has been another day of rest for Sarah. She has been in her bed or in her chair relaxing for most of the day. However, she did take a shower this afternoon. That really dropped her energy down and now she is not only resting but also sleeping to try to gain some strength back. Think about showering without lifting your hands above your head or reaching below your hips. It is pretty difficult and, needless to say, requires help. With all the time spent covering and redressing her bandages, we realized that next time we should do as much of that as possible while she is laying down because all of that time standing really took its toll. With all of the drugs Sarah is taking, her dreams are becoming much more vivid. Last night I woke up to Sarah grabbing at and pulling on my shirt over and over. When I asked her what she was doing she said, "I am trying to pull out the Kleenex’s." I laughed a bit and tried to ask her what she was talking about but seconds later she was already asleep. Sarah is getting very tired of sleeping on her back, but trying to turn over on her side a little puts pressure on her surgical wounds. She is desperate to find a new comfortable position to sleep. When she is in the bed, she has at least six pillows surrounding her and cushioning every muscle at all times. For now, I think that is as comfortable as she is going to be. Sarah also still has a sore throat from the breathing tube that was placed during surgery. I have been teasing her a little because she sounds like a 12 year old boy going through puberty, but I can say that because I am the one who administers her pain pills so she is very gracious with me.

We wanted to ask all of you to pray for a couple of definite things. Since the surgery, Sarah has not had much of an appetite so we are praying that would return soon and also that her throat and voice would be soothed and heal quickly.

Thanks for all of your prayers!

Kirk

Day 185

An update from Kirk:
Wednesday when we came home our bedroom had been turned into a garden oasis for Sarah. Father's House in Granite Falls donated all of the plants, curtains, flowers, and a water feature and Michelle, a gal from the church, to go shopping and to stage our room. It was a wonderful surprise for Sarah and has created a peaceful atmosphere for her to recover in. Thank you Father's House and Michelle for the wonderful display of love and care. I also need to thank Kristi, Sherri, and Mom Hawkins who all were also a pivotal part in creating this oasis for my Sarah. On a funny note, the water feature, which is completely restful for Sarah, makes me have to pee. Let me tell you...I NEVER get up to go to the bathroom, but with our wonderful new water feature I woke up a grand total of six times running to the bathroom and barely hanging on by a thread. On the other hand...Sarah really, really loves it and it helps her sleep giving her much needed rest. With all of the wonderful blessings poured out on us, Sarah is doing great and is continuing on her road to recovery!

Praise Report!!!
Dr. Calhoun, Sarah's breast surgeon, called this evening and gave us some fantastic news. All the pathology reports came back on Sarah tissue and lymph nodes that were removed. The tissue and lymph nodes from both sides were completely clear of any residual cancer cells. COMPLETELY CLEAR!!! Dr Calhoun was specifically clear on important thing: this result only happens in 30-40% of the cases. Isn't that incredible??? Thank you Lord for another miracle in our life!!!

Thank you for all your prayers. Let this show that prayer and faith go hand in hand. God does answer prayer!!!

As I am writing this, Sarah is snuggled up with a pink travel pillow around her neck, pillows underneath her arms, resting against the headboard, and drifting in and out. She is also cuddling with my sister (who is fading in and out as well). Sarah is doing as well as I could have ever expected and I can really see God sustaining her daily.

Kirk

Day 184

Monday night's surgery went great, however the recovery was quite rocky there for a while. Sarah came out of surgery so sedated that for a couple of hours she was only breathing 4-6 times a minute. A little scary to say the least...at about 2:30 AM she finally woke up and started breathing normally on her own. Because of all the issues waking up they took her to the ICU for one night so she could be moinitored very closely. Since that night Sarah has been doing great!!! Yesterday she was transferred into a regular room and she had a flood of visitors all day. Even little Roman came to see his auntie. He brings Sarah so much joy, but she didn't like not being able to hold him. Today Sarah is doing even better than the day before. She has been checked out by all her doctors and they have cleared her to go home. I know that being home where it is more relaxing will just be great for Sarah. The doctor's are surprised by how well Sarah is doing. Her surgical sites look absolutely fantastic and she has almost no bruising or swelling to speak of!!!

"Thank you Lord for keeping our Sarah right in the palm of your hand."

Thank you everyone for all of your prayers!!!

Kirk

Day 182 - Update 2

Surgery Update: 9:15 PM
Sarah is all done with surgery and is headed to the recovery room. The breast surgeon came out and told us that the actual mastectomies went great! No complications. The reconstructive surgeon came out soon after and told us that the placement of the tissue expanders went great as well! We are all waiting to see her in the recovery room. Thanks for all the prayers!!!

Day 182 - Update 1

Sarah went into surgery at 3:00pm. We will provide an update as soon as we know more. The surgery will probably last anywhere from 5-7 hours. Thank you for your prayers and words of encouragement today.

Day 182

Surgery Update:
We arrived at UW at about 7:00 AM; shortly thereafter Sarah was taken back for her lymph node mapping. For this they inject radioactive fluid that collects in the lymph nodes so that they can tell where they are.After the injection they needed so Sarah to move around a bit, so Sarah being Sarah she decided to walk up and down the halls doing the hokey-pokey. Only my Sarah would think of doing something like that. She is set to go back for surgery at about 12:50 PM. Please pray for her because she is having quite a lot of anxiousness.

More updates to come...

-Kirk

Sarah's Hope Youtube Channel

Check out Sarah's YouTube Channel!!!

Day 181

A Note from Kirk:
As we sit in the hotel room in Seattle waiting for the morning to come, we are constantly reminded of those who love us and the battle we are about to face. The enemy is so afraid of what Sarah and I will accomplish in our lives that he tries at every opportunity to bring us down. However, God has been so gracious to us and has truly held us up and sustained us through everything so far.

Please remember to pray for a sense of peace for tomorrow. Sarah has been hit by a lot of the natural fears of surgery, but she is remembering to daily put on the armor of God which includes the belt of truth. The truth is that Sarah will come through this surgery and her life will be long and fruitful. She has a lot of good things ahead of her and lots of kids to have. It is our future kids that keeps her mind stayed on the future and the promises that God has given us.

We will update you all as we know more tomorrow and also as time allows.

Thank you for all your prayers and numerous words of encouragement for Sarah. It truly has meant the world to her!

Kirk

Day 180

A Note from Kirk:
Today, Sarah’s mom took her to get her nails and toes done. Sarah really needed the relaxing time when she could try to put the worries of Monday out of her head. I am so grateful to have Barb help me through this time because she is caring for Sarah as a mother would but also knows all the intimate details of how Sarah is feeling right now. Barb goes above and beyond expectations and she knows exactly what to do in times of turmoil…duh…she is a nurse. She has been such a blessing in our journey with cancer because of her knowledge, generosity, laughter and her willingness to answer phone calls in the middle of the night just for a medication question. She has a love for her daughter that I will never know until I have my own kids. Both Sarah and I have great parents to rely on and we will definitely need them in the weeks and months ahead. We know that we have no reason to be afraid of being in need with our family surrounding us.

Please continue to keep my wife in your prayers as the pressure is building inside of her. I certainly hope that the lead-up to surgery will be worse than what comes after. Please pray that Sarah will feel God’s arms around her comforting her. I also wanted to thank all of you for responding to my plea and flooding Sarah with comments of encouragement and love! Keep it coming………

Kirk

Day 179

Friday we were very blessed to have Heather Mayer do a photo shoot of us. Sarah wanted some glamour shots without her hair to help herself see that she does have beauty even without hair. We met Heather at Granite Falls Alfy’s during the last fundraiser they did for us. She offered her services because she was touched by Sarah’s story. We couldn’t be happier with the results and Heather was so easy to work with. She made us feel so relaxed and comfortable. Heather has a great heart because of what has happened in her own life and her compassion for those suffering really shows. Thank You Heather for a wonderful day and we are so happy we met you and your family. Heather is a fantastic photographer and many of the shots she took of us are on her website.

Heather, it has truly been an honor getting to know you and your family. We are so blessed by your generosity.

Kirk and Sarah

(click on image below to enlarge)

(click on image below to enlarge)

(click on image below to enlarge)

Day 178

A Note from Sarah:
Today was a rough day. It started well enough with singing happily in my shower and examining my head because hair has started to grow back but somehow the enemy can ruin a good day. Sherri picked me up this afternoon to do some shopping. I know you are thinking how can a day of shopping end up bad? Well it wasn’t the fun kind of shopping; it was the pre-surgery yucky kind of shopping. Sherri kept my mind off of what we were really doing with some errands of her own and fun girl talk and I so appreciate her because I was already on edge when I first said hello to her. Our first stop was to Mary Catherine’s, this shop is a whole store dedicated to women who have dealt with all steps of breast cancer. When I walked in the doors the memories of when my mom had to walk through these very same doors flooded my mind and I had to close my eyes and ask God for the strength to take another step. As always God did give me the strength to move forward and off I went into a fitting room with items I never ever wanted to try on. Sherri’s gentle smile gave me comfort and her motherly instincts took over and when I was asked a question and my mind went numb Sherri was there answering for me, just like my own mother would do. We got all our ordering done and we checked it off our list. Mary Catherine’s is a wonderful little shop that I wish no one ever had to visit. Our next stop was the pharmacy for post surgery supplies. This was a little bit easier because I just gave the list to the pharmacist and he dropped everything I needed into my basket. Carrying the bag to the car just put a knot in the pit of my stomach because I know how soon I will be having to use all this gauze, tape and creams. I know one of the hardest things in my life is coming up and I feel like I’m falling…you know like in Alice in Wonderland? I feel like I’m gaining momentum as I fall and I have a feeling the bottom isn’t lined with fluffy feathers but what is waiting for me at the bottom is 12 inch thick concrete.

Thank you Sherri for making a hard day a little easier with your warm smile and encouragement. You are truly a gift to me and I love you.

The only things that got me through today were a good friend like Sherri, a wonderful massage, comfy pajamas and the knowledge that God has more for my life than pain and hardship.

I love each one of you who are following my journey. This blog is helping me stay connected with the world and as I release all my emotions on to these pages I feel comforted that you are rooting me on and keeping me close to your hearts in prayer.

Love Always,
Sarah

Day 177

We realize that we haven’t written anything for a couple of days, but we have been running around like crazy trying to get ready for the surgery and Sarah’s recovery. Our minds have been completely focused on what we need to get done and we are letting some important things go by the way side including our precious blog. While Sarah is recovering, I am relying on you (the blog readers) to help me encourage Sarah every step of the way. I want to remind you that when you write a message or comment, it is forwarded directly to Sarah’s phone and she receives it in minutes. So, while she is lying in bed, I will be at her side reading her all of your words of encouragement. Please don’t hesitate to send something even if it is your first time. Your words really mean a lot to her. Men don’t often ask for help; however the responses on this blog really seem to touch Sarah’s soul in a way that is so special. I need your help to keep her spirits buoyed which I think will lead to a very speedy recovery. Let’s get Sarah back up on her feet as quick as we can!!!

Sarah acts strong like she can take on the world…most days she can…but deep down she is facing insecurities and has moments of fear. At these moments I have to fall on my knees and give Sarah up to God because only He can comfort her in the palm of his hand and sing a song of victory over her.

Thanks for all your Prayers,
Kirk

Day 174

A Note from Kirk: 
Today was all about church and family. On the second day of Sarah’s fast, it’s getting tougher for her body to deal with it because her body is still weakened from all she has been through so far. I need to be protective of my Sarah and call her fast off at two days and maybe do a three day along with her at a later time. However, good for her that she has the drive to do a three day fast. I know that cutting her fast short will be difficult, but she also is wanting to be wise in this time where there is already a strain on her body. This is the last full week before Sarah’s surgery and most of it will be spent in preparation. Please pray that we get everything done that needs to be accomplished prior to Monday morning.

Thanks for all your prayers and support!

-Kirk

Day 173

A Note from Sarah: 
Today was a sad day as we drove away from the little blue cabin by the sea. Every day I spent at the cozy cabin was chicken soup for my hurting soul. I even got over the “fear” of going out wigless at the beach! People on the beach did give me double takes while walking by but maybe they were looking twice because Kirk and I are the cutest couple on the planet…that is what I’m going to believe! I did do some sunbathing while at the beach and the only bad thing about feeling free without a wig was I forgot to put sunscreen on my naked head! I won’t make that mistake again. Our last hours at the beach were a spectacular display of sun, kites and the perfect breeze. You don’t get many days of perfection down at Pacific Beach, so we considered ourselves blessed. On the way home the dreaded worry bug bit me hard and BANG…it started…I started counting all the things looming in the future that are unpleasant. Kirk out of the corner of his eye caught me staring off in the distance with wrinkle on the forehead and quickly changed the subject to something a little more cheerful. He reminded me that our “vacation” wasn’t quite over because we are house sitting for Sherri and Bob for a couple of days. I immediately perked up thinking about slipping into a relaxing bubble bath provided by Sherri’s gorgeous jetted tub. When we got to their house we were greeted by our gal pals Nikki and Zoe, two schipperkes that love it when we come to “puppy-sit” for them…probably because we give them treats and tummy rubs. I’m looking forward to snuggling up with Zoe for a romantic girlie movie later on.

On another note, I started a 3 day fast today. I finished a book called “Fasting” by Jentezen Franklin last week and I am so intrigued by what God will do in your life when you commit to a fast. Jentezen writes “The three duties of every Christian are giving, praying, and fasting.” Ecclesiastes 4:12 says “A threefold cord is not quickly broken”. I mean I pray and I give but I haven’t ever taken fasting very seriously, and I think I am missing out on many of the blessings God has for me. In Jentezen’s book he also writes “Look at it this way: when you pray, you can release that thirtyfold return, but when both prayer and giving are part of your life, I believe that releases the sixtyfold blessing. But when all three – giving, praying, and fasting – are part of your life, that hundredfold return can be released!” I don’t know about you but I want that hundredfold return! God I am so excited for what you have in store for me because I am following what your Word says to do. Bring on the blessings that You want to give your Sar-bear.

Love Always,
Sarah

(click on image below to enlarge)

(click on image below to enlarge)

Day 172

A Note From Sarah: 
As Kirk and I sit in the cabin for the last night listening to the sound of the crashing waves, we are reluctant to think about going home in the morning. It is so hard leaving a peaceful place to come home and face the huge mountain in front of you. For the first few days, my entourage included my mom and nephew Roman. The Hawkins and Loewen girls spent many summer weeks here as kids and it was time for Roman to start the tradition. When I was on the beach with Roman, I felt like a little girl again splashing in the water, chasing seagulls, crawling on all fours, and getting sand stuck in every nook and cranny of my body. Some days, I even had more sand on me than Roman did. For my mother and I, this cabin holds a particularly special place in our hearts. She once said, “Coming here is like getting a hug from an old friend.” Every minute that we create memories here will last a lifetime in our hearts.

“Please Lord give me the means to buy my mother a place to retreat by the sea.”

Thank you Jim and Elona for opening up your special cabin by the sea to us! My heart and mind were at peace and I felt God’s calming presence with me.

A funny story:
One afternoon when we were returning from the beach, sand-logged in all the wrong places, Roman and I decided to take a shower to get squeaky clean. Now, taking a shower at the cabin is a little more difficult than at other cabins because there it is a “shower shed.” Don’t get me wrong, I have been showering in the “shower shed” for 24 years and it does hold a certain nostalgic value that is unforgettable. Roman on the other hand has decided to hate it. As soon as I turned on the water, little Ro-Ro started screaming bloody murder. At this point, we are both in the shower that is barely big enough to turn around in and I am holding a slippery baby who is clawing at my neck and grasping for the shower curtain. When I was done cleaning up Roman, I figured I would hand him to off to my mother who I thought was right outside because I was sure his screams could be heard for miles. As it turns out, my mother had mosied on down to the beach to look for her missing glasses. So here I am yelling for help, trying to be louder than my nephew, struggling to put a towel on, and all the while Roman is sliding down my arms and trying to get away from the scary “shower shed.” After a minute of yelling for Mom’s help with no reply, I cautiously ventured out of the “shower shed” into the great outdoors clothed only with a towel that was inching lower and lower with each step, showing my bald head in all of its glory, and holding a naked screaming baby. For an innocent bystander, a more gruesome and scary sight I cannot imagine. Needless to say, we bathed Roman in the sink from that point on.

Love Always,
Sarah

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