A Quick Note...

Sarah feels bad that she has not been keeping up with the blog posts, but life for her has been a little hard to face lately. Sarah's anti-depressant medication (along with her pain Med) has been contributing to her abnormal heart function and as a result, the dose has had to be reduced. From my view this has not been a change for the better. Sarah still has so much pain and sadness staring her in the face that it is hard for her to see the areas in which she has improved by leaps and bounds.

I am writing this to all of you to let you know that Sarah hasn't forgotten about all of her supporters. She told me that she has tried to write posts, but feels terrible coming to "Sarah's Hope" to write when she feels very very void of that hope. Please continue to pray for and love my wife as she continues to fight. She will come around soon and every time she gets through a tougher season like this last month or so she comes through 100% stronger and more alive than before.

Thank you all so much for your diligent support of my sweet, sweet wife. She does not deserve the hurt she has been through this last year and a half, but she does deserve a group of supporters like you.

-Kirk

Garage Sale Day One a Success!

The first day of our Sarah's Hope Fundraiser garage sale was a blazing success! We sold a ton of stuff and raised a lot of funds. Thank you to everyone who donated and to everyone who came and bought. We still have a lot of stuff to sell so come on out Saturday and Sunday to show your support. If you still have a donation for the sale go ahead and bring it to the sale any time.

Garage Sale Location:
1723 93rd Dr SE
Lake Stevens, WA 98258

For Questions Contact:
Kirk @ 425-232-0756

Thanks again!

Thank you to everyone who has supported Kirk and I in getting this garage sale going! I'm so happy and blessed to have so much love bestowed toward us. Please keep the donations coming and please, please, please remember to come out and leave with treasure! The sale is August 5th, 6th, and 7th and will be located at 1723 93rd Drive SE, Lake Stevens, WA 98258.

While I am trying to get support for the garage sale, life is just kicking my behind! If my body keeps rejecting fluids and food, I'll be in the hospital again soon. Another visit to the ER equals another bill. When will it end?

God,
Please hear my cry for help. I feel like I'm on the losing end of this battle. Cover me with protection and Your healing touch.

More details about the garage sale below

We Need Your Help!!!

As you well know we are always up for fundraising efforts and Kirk’s family has offered to put together a Fundraiser Garage Sale! The Lien Family will put the sale on but WE NEED YOUR HELP!!! Garage Sales aren’t much of sales without stuff and that is exactly where you come in. We need your stuff to SELL, SELL, SELL. Please donate your gently used items to us so we can in turn pay for our medical bills.

Also remember to stop by and show your support. The garage sale is August 5th, 6th, and 7th at: 1723 93rd Dr SE, Lake Stevens, Wa 98258.

Donation contact for North of Marysville: Bonnie Lien (425) 232-6344
Donation contact for South of Marysville: Kirk Lien (425) 232-0756

Hurry and donate soon! The garage sale is in a week and a half.

Garage Sale Items
- Cell phones—no older than 3 years
- Puzzles and Board Games
- Furniture (sofas and other large pieces)
- Sporting goods (good condition)
- Small appliances (toasters, irons, blenders, etc)
- Musical instruments (no organs please)
- Bedding (good condition)
- Dishes and cookware
- Home decor
- Fishing gear
- Baby items (good condition)
- DVD players (working condition)
- DVD’s
- Video Games (games and consoles in working condition)
- Computer monitors (flat screen)
- TV’s (flat screen)
- Tools (working condition)
- Weedeaters, edgers, lawnmowers (working condition)
- Camping gear
- Bikes (working condition) 

Please No Books, Clothing, Computers, Printers, Tube TV’s. Thanks

Day 285

I can’t believe this is my life right now. I am 25 years old. Isn’t this the time in your life that you are supposed to feel the best? The time where you jump at the chance of adventure? Where energy comes in endless supply? This should be a time in my life when I get fun travel magazines in the mail not stacks and stacks of medical bills that are rapidly depleting my cancer fund. Or a time when I should be playing tennis with my husband instead of barely being able to make it up the front stairs to the door. I am falling further and further from the woman I once was. I am always tired, always in pain and I have to take medications by the handfuls; and those handfuls cause horrible side effects. I don’t sleep without nightmares. I don’t move without pain searing throughout my body. I feel so much guilt for the things I am not able to do. I want to be the wife that cleans the house and makes dinner for my husband when he comes home from work and I want to be the friend who cooks a meal for a girlfriend in need. I can start trying to do those things, but right in the middle of it my legs start to ache and quiver, or my head starts to feel so dizzy I almost fall down. I stop and rest which only makes things worse. A time of rest quickly turns into a complete emotional meltdown. I am so frustrated that because of my physical weakness I am unable to complete even the simplest of tasks. I have tried doctor after doctor, medication after medication, vitamin after vitamin and nothing makes me feel like Sarah Elizabeth Lien the 25 year old woman that has an amazing future ahead of her. In fact I don’t remember that Sarah. All I know is the exhausted, sick and depressed Sarah that has lost some of her hope in feeling better. Will I ever be whole again? Will I ever overcome this dark cloud in my head? Will I ever smile without it being forced? I know there are some things that make me happy no matter what but they can never last forever. Flowers, babies, my nephew Roman; I can’t make flowers bloom all year round, I can’t hold newborn babies all day long and I think my sister Bethany would miss her child if Roman moved in with me. So it’s back to the drawing board for happiness for me.  I need some help for happiness.

God, please let me see the beauty everywhere I look. I want happiness. I want wholeness. It has been too long since I have felt well. Please heal my body. Please lay your mighty hand over me and heal every muscle, every bone, and every cell. Keep me tucked away in the safety of your arms. Heal me O God.

Love Always,
Sarah

Day 284

I told you all I would put an update on here the next day, but I got so caught up in the whole "hospital" thing that I totally forgot. On Wednesday at about 3:30 in the afternoon Sarah was finally discharged. For all of Tuesday and Wednesday the hospital was only using medicine that Sarah could have at home. They seemingly have found a regiment of medications that will work for now. One big change is that Sarah's pain doctor will be slowly reducing the dose of Sarah's pain cocktail to find the least dose that is still effective. That way there will be less impact on her stomach. Now that Sarah is much more stable and is eating again, she should also be able to do some very very light exercise to strengthen herself which should really help the pain in her muscles and joints. Her doctor's are now looking to make a lot of little changes that will hopefully yield big results overall.

Just as all of you have been thinking that Sarah and I can't catch a break lately...just wait...there's more. On Thursday, I was at work and Sarah and her Mom were at our new apartment we just moved to a couple of weeks ago. They decided to make some lunch and fired up the oven for the first time to make some Texas toast. As the oven got going suddenly smoke started barreling out, quickly a fire started that even more quickly began to get out of control. With some flour, a fire extinguisher, some help from the landlord and finally the fire department (called by Sarah), the fire was finally put out. The final result let me tell you was less than pleasing. There was a huge cloud of thick black smoke that covered the entire apartment. All that smoke settled as thick sticky dust over every single knook and cranny of the apartment. It took countless hours of seemingly endless cleaning to finally get things close to normal. We very thankfully had the help of both sets of our parents. Without them we could not have done it. There was no permanent dammage done to the apartment but we lost a couple of essentials. A cupcake pan, a pizza pan, two kitchen rugs, a cooling rack, the tops to our pyrex glassware, an entire bottle of laundry soap (we had to wash all our clothes, curtains, pillows, etc.) I think that is everything oh yeah...an oven. haha. We can laugh about it now but for the last day and a half it has been no laughing matter. The smell of smoke is still somewhat present and I am sure it will take a while to dissipate, but the good news is that no one was hurt and no priceless belongings were ruined.

We thank the Lord that he always has his angels surrounding us and keeping us protected, but we are pleading with Him to stop thew hits that seemingly just keep coming. Please pray that Sarah and I could finally enter a season in our lives where things start to look up again.

Thanks,
Kirk

Day 283

Monday, Sarah was admitted to the hospital at the University of Washington. The plan, in short, is to find a solution for pain and nausea that will work for her at home. Since Monday, they have managed to get Sarah to a more stable state where she can eat and drink without vomiting. This is a very good thing as she has not eaten since Thursday. Tomorrow (Wednesday) the doctors here will start to try new means of pain and nausea control until a solution that is tested and proven here at the hospital is found. It is not fun for Sarah to be at the hospital, but at the moment it is the only place she has been stable for a couple of weeks.

Thanks for all the prayers over the last couple of days. We feel them and could not make it without them. I will update the blog tomorrow with info as to what the "plan" is.

-Kirk

Day 282

When will she feel better???
Sarah has been so sick for so long that she doesn't remember what it feels like to be healthy. She is completely at her wits end with pain and nausea. For the last few months, Sarah has been on a pain cocktail to try and help manage her pain. That cockail, while she tolerated it early on, is now making her incredibly nauseous. For the past week and a half, Sarah has consistently had a very high level of nausea, but that nausea has now become vomiting. Sarah is unable to keep food, most medications, or large quantities of fluids down, a very bad cycle which has led to numerous emergency room visits. Now Sarah's only option is stop the pain cocktail to help the nausea, but then be in searing pain 24/7. The Seattle Cancer Care Alliance wants to admit her to the hospital to try and stabilize her while also trying to find a different solution to combat her pain. While this might sound like a simple solution to most, one more IV poke, one more trial and error with different medications, or one more time throwing up from a new medication will almost literally send her over the edge of insanity.

We need your help! We need prayer. Prayer for pain....Prayer for nausea...Prayer that God would FINALLY move his hand and bring my suffering wife some quick relief. I struggle to undestand all the reasons why Sarah needs to be so sick this far out from her treatments. I struggle to be able to keep my frustration under the radar so I don't further add to Sarah's. I am powerless to do anything for my wife and that is very very difficult. To see someone you love so much be in so much pain and agony and not be able to do one thing to help is heartbreaking. Please plead with me that God will see Sarah's hurt and decide to act on her behalf. God has helped us in so many ways this last year and I am eternally grateful for the grace He has shown, but what I need now is for my wife to be whole again. Please join with me and intercede for our sweet Sarah.

-Kirk

Day 281

Wow, how awful can one person feel? I like to think I’d take the cake but I know there are worse off people than me and I have such a heart for them because I truly know what it means to hurt…emotionally and physically. Tomorrow I have another appointment in Seattle at the Cancer Care Alliance’s pain clinic and I am hoping for a miracle. My levels of pain and nausea are just putting me right on the brink of being out of commission. Kirk has been a life saver this last week! I hurt when I’m awake, I hurt when I’m asleep…oh that pretty much covers my day and night. I just want to feel good for a little while and be able to pick up my nephew without tensing up my whole body. To jump into my husband’s arms and not have him worry if he is going to hurt me if he hugs me. To sleep for more than 30 minutes at a time without nightmares or awakening pain jolts. I know it will get better so for now I will picture my great big sun hat sitting in a chair nestled in the sand on my beach in Hawaii feeling the warmth of the sun and hearing the light crashing of the waves on the shore. Anyone care to join me?

With all this pain and nausea I had to figure out something I could do to get my mind off all the hurt. And guess what? I did it! I found a hobby that doesn’t cost me but saves me money! Couponing! I can coupon when I am sick and when I’m having not such a bad day. Today Kirk and I went shopping and I saved us $20 on grocery items we were going to buy anyways! At the checkout counter I wanted balloons to fall from the ceiling and confetti everywhere you looked but I didn’t get all that. I did however get a Good Job from the cashier and a hug from my Hubby. I can’t wait until our next shopping trip…what will I save then?

Thank you for the continued prayer and financial gifts. It has been very hard with me not working and the extra funds have kept us out of debt from all the cancer treatments. We would be in a very different position without the help of family and friends. The aftermath of cancer has been a hard one but with a support group like ours it is easy to see that we are well taken care of by God and by YOU

Love Always,
Sarah

Day 280

The Aftermath of Cancer vs. Sarah Elizabeth Lien
This last month I have needed a V.I.P. access card with the short line at the check in counter at the E.R. I am asking who is on staff that night and I have my favorite rooms…it’s getting sad. Last night we were on the phone with the pain clinic on-call doctor at the University of Washington and she said because of how I was doing she was worried about dehydration and not being able to keep my meds down. Her advice was to go to the E.R. and ask to be admitted. I think I was being stubborn last night because it was a really rough night of sleeping in the bathroom but the negatives of going to the hospital are all I can think about. I feel like if I give in and go I am losing some part of this battle and I just start to cry. I feel so weak and vulnerable but I know I am in God’s hands. Please pray for me. I need your help to get through this and you have not failed me yet! Pray! Pray! Pray!

Let’s see how today goes…..

Love Always,
Sarah

Day 279

Looking for a Rainbow...
I wish I could tell you good news but I don’t have much to say to brighten your day. I was in the E.R. again with nausea symptoms along with pain and more pain. I have started my new regimen of my pain cocktail that consists of taking it four times a day but it doesn't seem to be helping all that much. My pain specialist says the nausea is being caused by my body getting used to the new pain cocktail and it will take some time for everything to calm down a bit and my body will accept the pain medicine. If the pain doesn’t settle down I may have to up the dose and that may cause more nausea so I am on a road that may not have a happy ending until God heals me completely…oh please pray that a miracle happens because our God is certainly capable of miraculous miracles! It just seems like with all this rain falling down on me every day making life more and more difficult to cope with, there should be a sign of a rainbow somewhere. I’m looking but don’t see one but I could sure use a boost by finding that leprechaun and his pot of gold!

I have been pushing my body harder than I should be these last couple days and I am paying for it with "I told you so's" from family members and horrible pain and exhaustion. The reason I push my body so hard is I won’t let the effects of cancer hold me back any longer. I won’t let cancer hold me back from making a fort with my nephew and climbing on all fours to play with trucks under the table. I won’t let cancer hold me back from spending an entire morning at the Zoo with my sister Bethany, who is a nanny, gather up her little "chicks" and scoop them up in arms, give piggyback rides and lift them up as high as possible to see the giraffes. Let’s just say I over did it…a little…okay a lot, but when will I have that moment again? Realistically…never. I want to savor each day. Remember the Sunday School song "This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it"? That’s what I want to do. Every day is a gift and I won’t let cancer take away my gifts from God. Be mindful that I don’t feel this way every day…some mornings when the pain is searing through my chest and back I say "this day is lost…let’s try for tomorrow". I hate losing time, not checking something off my to do list, accomplishing a goal and when I stay in bed or curled up in a ball on the couch I feel worse at the end of the day because I am a purpose driven person and when there are hundreds of things on my plate there is no time to lose. Cancer may have gotten me down this last year and a half but cancer doesn’t know who its dealing with…I’m a Lien…formally a Hawkins and when you mix those two together you better watch out because I am a force to be reckoned with. Just wait until Kirk and I have kids…watch out world!

Okay, I feel a little better now. I have left you with a sweet thought mixed with a little sunshine. Thank you to all those who have responded to our fundraiser letter; it never ceases to amaze me of the generosity of our family and friends. Cancer is so expensive. Thank the Lord Kirk and I have insurance, without insurance the average yearly cost of cancer treatment is $300,000! And that doesn't even count all the follow up treatments for years to come. God has really provided for us in every way and all of you are part of that support circle that has been raising us up in prayer and in love. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again I’d be lost without all of you. Thank you for being there for me.

Love Always and Forever,
Sarah

Fundraiser Letter

Click On Image To Enlarge

Click On Image To Enlarge

Day 278

ER Once Again...
For the past three weeks Sarah has been having a continual increase in pain due to the nerves in her chest and arm waking back up in the aftermath of her double mastectomy surgery. What her pain feels like is when your leg falls asleep and feels like pins and needles when you move or touch it , but x100. Every time she moves or touches her chest it is excruciating.

We finally got Sarah in to the pain clinic at SCCA and they put her on a new regiment of medication that will get this new pain under control. However, this new regiment will take 3-5 days to start to make a difference and probably 1-2 weeks to completely control the pain. To give you an idea of how resistent Sarah is to medication, the pain clinic had her try a pain medication that was 50x stronger than morphine and it had no effect on her at all.

Last night we were on our way back from picking up the new medications when Sarah's pain started to worsen. It was so bad that I made the decision to take her to emergency room. They kept giving her more and more pain medications but nothing helped. She was there for about six hours and her pain was not touched at all. By the time we made the decisionn to go home Sarah was in intense pain and was very frustrated by not getting any relief in the ER. We headed home and tried to go to bed. This morning Sarah's pain hadn't lessened, but the breakthrough shooting pains that sent her over the edge had ceased. She is feeling a little better and we are eager for her new pain control regiment to take full effect.

-Kirk

Day 277

Mother’s Day
First of all if you are a mom I hope you had a wonderful Mother’s Day. I have two moms and it was very special spending some time dedicated to just them! I love you Mom! I love you Mom2!

I had an emotional mother’s day. I was angry that cancer was still holding me back from what I wished for my life and I was sad because Kirk and I have 17 embryos but had no baby to hold. I cried in the shower. Cried getting dressed and cried just wishing the sadness would pass. As it now stands I have 689 days left until I can start to have children. Pathetic that I know the days? I don’t think so, I see it as a woman that is very excited to be a mother.

Kirk being a sweetheart took me to the pet store to see the little cuddly puppies and although it made me forget about the sadness for a while, the smile slowly faded and I was gloomy once again. What made the whole day turn around was….Roman! Roman was slated to come over to my house for a couple nights and it has been so wonderful to hold this precious boy and read him a story before naptime and have picnics in the kitchen and secretly wear my very high, and very expensive heels around the living room. We made a fort under the table and played with cars until his little eyes were drooping. He crawled up into my lap and fell asleep. I am so happy to have a nephew who is fun and is always a darling. I have one more night with Mr. Roman and I can’t tell you what adventures will come next.

Thank you Bethany for allowing me to babysit your son. He heals my longing heart with his laughter and hugs. You are a super sweet sister to share him with me. Let’s start calling the day after Mother’s Day Happy Aunties Day!

Love Always,
Sarah

Day 276

Craft Fair
The craft fair day had finally come and I was going to be showing my handmade creations to the public! I was excited but nervous…what if no one liked my gifts? Kirk and I set up my table at Lake Connor Park and we waited until the first customers walked through the doors. I met some great people who owned lots at the park that I hope I will see again this summer; also I met some people who had baby showers and grandchildren coming soon so my business cards were flying. Overall I wished that there was a little more customer flow but what do you expect for Mother’s Day weekend? What I did not expect was the generosity of the people who stopped by my table. Some people came by and read my sign that I give 50% of their purchase to charities who support children in Africa and they just handed me money and said “it is great what you are doing”. The whole reason Emalene was started was to help African children so you can imagine that my heart melted with every donation.

Thank you everyone who stopped by my table. You are not only helping me but you are supporting a much bigger cause. I even had the pleasure of meeting one of my faithful blog reader’s family. Thanks Heidi! (I hope that is your name…I still have chemo brain…it’s a miracle I remember my phone number these days.) Thank you to everyone who has been excited for this business venture. I hope I can make a mark for a greater cause and if not at least I’m making baby’s heads warmer.

Love Always,
Sarah

Come On Down!!!

Come on down to Lake Connor Park in Lake Stevens. I am having my first sale of Emalene hats at their craft fair. I give 50% of my profit to charities that benefit the children of Africa. I have such a heart for them and this is my way to show them love.

Day 275

Trying to walk forward

The effects of cancer still cripples me down to my knees. I’m lying in bed sick from hotflashes, intense pain, nausea, and a headache that is making the room spin. I am in Cle Elum helping my friend Sherri cook for some 25 pastors and I feel helpless; unable to be away from the bathroom and unable to help a friend that has gone above and beyond for me. I’m so done with having cancer run my life. When will I be in charge again? I know that the road to recovery is taking 3 steps forward and 1 step back but some days it feels like I’m taking more steps backward than forward. Please pray with me that I will be able to help my friend serve these pastors and for complete healing will be on the horizon.

Lord, I want to serve your people and not let those who count on me down. Heal me Father. I want to be your hands and feet but I feel like my body is holding me back. Have mercy on your daughter and give me strength for the days to come. Thank you for the gifts that you give: my husband, my family, my friends. Father you bless me day in and day out; please give me strength to do your will and help those in need. I love you. Amen. 

Love Always,

Sarah

Day 274

5 steps forward 2 steps back…
Sarah has been doing so great lately, but once again the recovery from cancer continues to take its toll. Over the last month, Sarah has been starting to decrease the amount of pain cocktail she was taking because she was starting to feel pain free. She was so proud of herself and she was looking forward to her independence from pain medication. However, over the last week Sarah’s nerve endings in her chest were starting to wake up and cause serious pain. During Sarah’s double mastectomy surgery all of her nerves in her chest were cut leaving her numb in most of her upper torso. Now, she is starting to regain her feeling but unfortunately all the feeling that has come back has been pain. This is a new symptom and her doctors are trying to figure out how to manage this new pain. We have been working with Sarah’s pain specialist, but he is unable to see her and make medication changes until late next week. To add to the problem Sarah has been experiencing very severe hot flashes. These hot flashes are due to a hormone blocker medication that Sarah is taking to improve the percentage of staying cancer free. Imagine trying to sleep when one minute you have ice flowing through your veins and the next there is sweat rolling down your forehead. As you can guess the hot flashes and pain are causing Sarah to average 1 to 2 hours of sleep per night. So, when you can’t see your pain specialist for a week and a half and you haven’t slept in days, you are left with few options. For Sarah just about her only option for relief was the emergency room. My Sarah fought as hard as she could to be strong but the pain and sleep deprivation just overwhelmed her on Thursday night. This was very disappointing to Sarah because of all the hard work and persistence on her part to be able to live free of pain medication and hospital visits. At the hospital she was given pain relief and a sleep aid and it made a world of difference. Please keep Sarah in your prayers for her pain and sleeplessness. Thank you.

At the moment Sarah is very focused on finally being able to sell some baby hats for her new business Emalene. Sarah has a huge heart for under-privileged children in Africa and with Emalene her dream of helping them will become a reality. A portion of every hat sold will be donated to benefit the children of Africa.  Sarah is getting ready to participate in her first ever craft fair. Because she is not sleeping, she has had lots of extra time to get hats made. The lack of sleep is certainly not a good thing, but it has allowed her to get a ton done. The craft fair will be May 7^th and 8^th at Lake Connor Park in Lake Stevens from 10a-3:30p. Come on out and show your support for Sarah and the hurting children of Africa.

Thanks,

Kirk

Day 273

Blessings!
I want to thank each and every one of you who congratulated me on my great news. It touches my heart that so many of my friends and family called, wrote, texted, treated us to dinner and all but wrote in the sky how happy and proud of me you are. I am so blessed to have had an army of support backing me up in my fight for life…which I won! There are not words enough to describe the gratefulness I feel to have been shown so much love. All I can say is thank you. Thank you for crying with me. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for loving me. You made the difference and I hope that I will show you that I will not take for granted this life that was spared. I will make a mark in history because I have a purpose and I believe that purpose is to serve God’s people. I am the Lord’s hands and feet and I will do whatever and go wherever there is a need. Thank you for giving me the courage to live without fear. Your prayers and encouraging words help me stand tall and feel that my survival is no accident but the divine plan of God. I have much to do and my goals in these next few months are to strengthen my body and mind for what God has in store for my future. Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Love Always,
Sarah

Day 272

News!!!
News... and boy do I mean good news! I’m going to keep this short and sweet so we can all shout a joyful noise of praise. This last week I had a string of appointments at Seattle Cancer Care that lasted from 7a to late afternoon and by the last examination table I was told by all my doctors that I was doing way better than anyone could have imagined. My pain specialist was floored about my progress. My oncologist said it is amazing what I have accomplished in just one year. Then the best news came. My surgeon took my hand and told me my chance of getting breast cancer again is one to two percent. You don’t know what I left in that room when we walked out the door…weights fell off my shoulders when I heard that my percent of getting cancer again was as close to zero as we can get. I celebrate life because I have a life to live. I can breathe a sigh of relief and take the next step in my life with a smile on my face. I have beaten cancer. Sarah Elizabeth Lien has fought her battle and won.

Thank you for cheering me on to get this far! I still have much to accomplish to get back to where cancer found me but I am making up ground faster than doctors can even dream possible. And that is ONLY due to your prayers, donations, support and your love. Please keep me in your hearts as I work to regain what was lost plus much much more.

Love Always,
Sarah