Saturday, November 20, 2010

Day 225

Letting Go...
I am about to face another mountain. Am I all smiles as I pick up my rope, carabineers and pull on my hiking boots? Not remotely. Radiation is the next item on the agenda so while I gear up for the 5 days a week for 6 weeks adventure please pray that I don’t lose it. I’m told I’m in the home stretch but it sure doesn’t feel like it. I’ve missed out on so much due to cancer and I’m not happy about it! I’m actually quite mad about it! Today as I was chilled to the bone by the nip in the air, I realized I missed out on Spring, Summer and most of Fall because I’ve been sick. I long to be warmed by the sun while I sip on iced tea but I have been forced to bundle up for Winter instead. The effects of cancer during Winter are horrible. Because of my relentless nausea I have lost weight so I am shivering and layering with no end in sight. My head is freezing and to be completely honest with you while I am writing this I have a heating pad on my head. You can imagine that I am quite a sight; bundled up in sweatshirts and blankets with the heating pad around my head. On a lighter note since it is Winter maybe I can stop shaving my leg hair that has started to grow back… excuse will be I need extra warmth….not working for you? I don’t think it will work out for Kirk either. Back to the radiation topic…I start my treatment on Tuesday afternoon and have to come back the next day for more. The Thanksgiving weekend I’m off the hook but then Monday will start the 5 days a week schedule. This will be killer on the mileage for my poor Jetta. Seattle every day until the end of the year will definitely put a dent in her resale value but I gotta do what I gotta do. I’ll be asking for gas cards for Christmas! Each treatment is less than 10 minutes but with each treatment my symptoms will get worse. A sunburn in the middle of winter would be okay if it was from a beach in Hawaii but from a machine in a cold room with me in a hospital gown is not what I’ll be looking forward to. I have had about enough of cancer treatment but it is nearing the finish line. I think after all this I need another trip to my happy place…Maui….Kirk honey, are you reading this? I’ll go to bed dreaming of sunshine, beaches and a red convertible mustang tonight.

Even though I am facing another mountain I give it to God. I can’t control something like radiation so my only option is to let it go and give it up to God. God will sustain me. He sustains my strength and my ability to smile. Without God I would be nothing. He is my strength and my song!

He will redeem my soul in peace from the
battle which is against me.
Psalm 55:18

Love Always,

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