A Note From Sarah:
I am afraid.
I am afraid of being weak, of sleeping too much, of being alone, of being on too many medications, and of falling down. Chemotherapy is continually stripping me of my strength; each time worse than the last. I am in the middle of my treatment, and I can barely walk up a flight of stairs. All I can think of is: what won’t I be able to do at the end of my sixth treatment? I don’t feel like a strong, independent woman these days. Instead I feel like a child who is a chore to her husband and family. Who is going to be with Sarah today? Who will take her to the doctor? Who will call and remind her of her medication? The silly thing is I know that my husband and family love taking care of me and would love to do even more for me. My family’s support is the reason I am doing so well yet I am so uncomfortable letting go of control and just resting in their arms. I push the limits with my body every day because I cannot face the reality that I am unable to do simple tasks. Some days my mind is the enemy. I have to remind myself that this weakness is only temporary, and I will regain my strength. Lord please let me regain my strength.
As uncomfortable as I am feeling helpless and weak I was reminded by my dad that this is a good place to be. God wants us to get to the place where we can lay everything down and rely solely on Him. I am not having fun feeling out of control, but God and I are getting closer and that is the only thing I need to strive for.
“For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love and of a sound mind.”
2 Timothy 1:7