I am reading a book called Why? By Anne Graham Lotz. I just finished with a chapter that ended with her writing “Why me?” and she continues to say “Whenever that question tends to fill my mind, I hear Him whisper to my heart, “Anne, why not you? Just trust Me!"
I stopped reading and thought about what I had just read. Why not me? I know I would gingerly say “no thank you” if someone asked me to travel the perilous road that is cancer. But in the same thought if God Himself had asked me to take on this burden I think I would have said “alright” because I do trust God that He knows what He is doing and I know that He wouldn’t make His daughter hurt for nothing. He has great things for me in the future and I am honored to suffer in His name because justice and good will come from my struggles. God never lets us down, we aren't just sticking around long enough to see the horrible be turned into something beautiful.
I look around at my family and friends and think if one of us had to go through cancer why not me? I have been praying to God to use me in any way that He sees fit and why would I back down when now more than ever I can shine for Him when I have the attention of many. We are all in a battle and I am on the front lines. God has given me weapons to use and He has protected me in many occasions. As I pray for God to fight my battles we have celebrated victories but the one thing I have to be brave enough to do is stand in the front and give the enemy my warrior face and yell “You have no authority over me! I am a daughter of God and I will stand by Him forever! You have lost this battle so flee in the name of my savior Jesus Christ!” Ohhh..I just got goose bumps! His name is so powerful and holy I just can’t help but feel His awesome light coursing through my veins.
I have quite the road ahead of me but look at what I have come through! I am proud of myself, maybe I should be more humble but come on I have had sickness and death come knocking on my door and I being the sweet and timid woman I am came out on my porch with shot guns blazing screaming at the top of my lungs “Be gone in the name of Jesus Christ, I have much to accomplish in His name”!
More “knocking” has come in the way of results of a CT scan I had done on Tuesday. The scan showed that my stomach was distended (swollen), my right ovary has a rather large cyst and that I have kidney stones. Doesn’t my life get more exciting every day? I was told that the ovarian cyst will probably go away on its own and I will have another CT in a month to confirm. Please pray that the cyst will go away on its own and that it is not cancerous. My kidney stones are in my kidney so they are not a problem until they move. This is all information that doesn’t really give me any answers to why I’m sick all the time but gives me more to be concerned about. God will never give me more than I can handle so does that mean I have supernatural coping skills? I guess it does and I better take that as a blessing!
On to much more fun things! I am going to be an honorary guest at the SilverTips game tomorrow. The Tips are “Pinking the Rink” for breast cancer month and my mom and I were asked to be in a video and meet the starting line up on the ice! Come on out to show your support!
Breast cancer has sure given me some awesome experiences don’t you think? I can’t wait to see what other doors open up for Kirk and I. Thank you for all your love and support. I never dreamed my life would touch so many.